I hope Opie eats some bad ham and is locked in the bathroom for 45 minutes, "dropping hammers" as he would say with the enthusiasm of failed kickflip. As he finishes, he looks around and notices he has no toilet paper. He begins to sweat, running through possible scenarios. "I can't use my shirt, they'll cruuuuuucify me!" he thinks, referring to his children who keep finding ways to sneak shards of broken glass into his road sodas. His wife, like all women, feeds on masculine suffering and she punches above her weight class. He can't use the towel.
I hope he resigns to using his hand. I hope he wipes his fetid ass with his hand and tries to wash it in the sink, back and forth like bailing water out of a sinking ship. He scrubs it as clean as he possibly can but he can still feel it beneath the skin. He steps out and they all just stare at him. His wife, his kids, they just lock eyes on him because everyone knows what he did. All the sound cuts out - the music, the crickets, the crackling fire, the sounds from the street - it's dead silent like some David Lynch scene. He stands there, frozen.
4 comments
1 TriangleDimes 2014-12-23
I hope Opie eats some bad ham and is locked in the bathroom for 45 minutes, "dropping hammers" as he would say with the enthusiasm of failed kickflip. As he finishes, he looks around and notices he has no toilet paper. He begins to sweat, running through possible scenarios. "I can't use my shirt, they'll cruuuuuucify me!" he thinks, referring to his children who keep finding ways to sneak shards of broken glass into his road sodas. His wife, like all women, feeds on masculine suffering and she punches above her weight class. He can't use the towel.
I hope he resigns to using his hand. I hope he wipes his fetid ass with his hand and tries to wash it in the sink, back and forth like bailing water out of a sinking ship. He scrubs it as clean as he possibly can but he can still feel it beneath the skin. He steps out and they all just stare at him. His wife, his kids, they just lock eyes on him because everyone knows what he did. All the sound cuts out - the music, the crickets, the crackling fire, the sounds from the street - it's dead silent like some David Lynch scene. He stands there, frozen.
Merry Christmas you Filthy Animal.
3 breadmoccasin 2014-12-23
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kuwI5FGD_-I
1 youtubefactsbot 2014-12-23
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2 telepepper 2014-12-23
...and a happy new year. -BANG!!