7am: Wake up. Lynsy stirs but goes back to sleep. Sam, sleeping on the foot of the bed, opens one eye then closes it again.

7:15 After a quick shower and nutri-bullet shit smoothie he sits on the couch and turns on the TV to Good Morning America. Has opie ever mentioned he loves watching morning news?

7:30 The Opster begins crafting his first tweet of the day. Something topical, yet funny. Maybe something to do with how Ray Rice should be a henchman on Boardwalk Empire.

8:00

He heads out into the concrete jungle known only as New York City. He snaps a few photos with his cell phone along the way, thinking he could make some good pocket money if he sells them.

9:00 Op stands around Central Park, waiting for one of the street performers to start so he can capture it on video.

9:15 The guy with the really big bubble thing starts blowing bubbles and Opie laughs and starts filming. The pimply faced teens at Viral-Spiral will make this a hit in no time!

9:30 After capturing yet another hit on tape, he heads over to the gym to work on his jelly tits. His personal trainer absolutely despises him but likes the money too much to tell him to fuck off.

10:30 Opie finishes up in the gym and heads back to his apartment. On the way, he texts a few of the myriad of D-list comedians to see if they can come in the studio on Monday.

11:00 Arriving back at his apartment, the Opster starts editing his other viral sensation series, "Loves the Internet Guy". In this particular video, Loves the Internet Guy watches the Ray Rice video and makes a few quick witted jokes that Opie sat up all last night thinking about.

11:15 Opie looks in his bedroom to find Lynsy and the kids gone. Probably off to Uncle Bam's house again! They seem to be spending a lot of time there as of late.

11:20 After taking a nice shit accompanied with some Candy Crush, Opie reads some hater tweets and does his "Twitter Voice" to himself. As the sound of his voice echoes off the walls of his giant New York apartment, Opie feels truly alone for the first time in his life.

11:45 Opie grabs Lynsy's Vicodin from the medicine cabinet and decides to put himself out of his misery. As his unconscious body slumps over and his face hits the coffee table, a text rings out from Opie's phone. It's Rich Vos, saying he'll be in studio Monday morning at 8am sharp.