Well when all you date is 17 year olds it's easy to see why it starts with lust. I would take any dating advice from Cumia with a bottle of salt.

Not even a grain, a whole fucking bottle of salt.

YAH HA HA HA HA BOTTLE OF SALT HA HA HA

Now this....THIS is a satire account I can get behind.

Would you say that you're all in?

Salt usually comes in shakers or cardboard containers.

.....and anthony cums in teenage girls.

...Is the joke going over my head or is that just the weirdest comment ever?

just the "comes in/cums in" part because they sound alike.

Fuckin word play humor.

And a shot of tequilla.

with a bottle of salt.

wut.

More than just a grain

Can you get salt by the grain?

Yes, but don't take my word for it.

Ok. I'll be sure to take it with ...... ahhh

YES GREGORY ABSOLUTELY! ITS AVAILABLE AT "TEDSSALTBYTHEGRAINDELIVERYSERVICE.ORG". WE PACKAGE THE GRAIN OF SALT IN A 4" by 6" BOX AND FILL THE BOX WITH STYROFOAM PACKING PEANUTS TO ENSURE THE GRAIN STAYS SAFE. I HAVE GOTTEN A LOT OF COMPLAINTS OF PEOPLE SAYING THEY CANT FIND THE GRAIN IN THE BOX BUT I TELL THEM THEY ARE LIARS AND THEY NEED TO LOOK A LITTLE BIT HARDER.

I thought it was a good discussion. A lot of people become jaded by relationships after a certain period of time, especially if there's infidelity. And since Ant is the kind of guy who constantly has his guard up, he's a bit more cynical about stuff like 'falling in love' than most of us.

Also, he lost a lot of money in a horrible divorce. But I thought it was a good discussion, especially about the routine aspect. A few years ago, my friend who did nothing but complain about his girlfriend, proposed to her. His reason to me was "Well we've been going out for three years..." They were married for two years and are now getting divorced.

I've also witnessed the worst: Women who change 100%, immediately after getting married. That shit is scary, because how do you know?

I watched my ex wife turn from a beautiful, loving, caring woman into a fat , frigged introvert over a period of about 3-4 months after 2 years of marriage. Total 180 degree personality shift. I can say it is the most fucked up thing I have ever seen in my life, you think you know someone but you really don't.

In Ant's case he dates women who mostly have not fully matured so it exacerbates the situation.

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One of favorite Cumia quotes

That's horrific.

Can you blame her? She was married to you after all.

You know!!!

God forbid you tell your family you don't ever want to get married. Everyone flips out like it's some insane idea.

He's the male version of the single middle aged women whining in editorials how impossible finding "true love" at 45 is.

He got what he wanted - banging teenagers, no marriage, no kids, plush house, more toys than he can play with, and fuck you money.

In dating terms, unless he's willing to deal with the baggage every age group has, he's going to be single forever, unless he gets into sugar daddy arrangements.

Dating 18-24, you're talking girls who just want to party, and will be most likely to cheat. Long day at work? Who cares, she wants to go clubbing.

24-30, you're talking someone who wants to travel, "experience the world", try new things, or, settle down and have kids. They want someone who doesn't go to bed at 8pm, too. They have a long list of things you've already done. They're starting out in life, you're almost done.

30-40, you get the "biological clock" bullshit. If you don't want kids, it's impossible to find someone who doesn't as well. They want you to "settle down", and will dump you fast as a "starter husband". Or, they're a 'career woman", i.e. ball buster. Ant dated one already, we saw how that ended with Jill.

40+, don't even bother. If they're single at that age, there's a massive mountain of baggage there, lurking, waiting to make your life a living horror - and you get to lose at least half of your stuff when you don't conform to whatever fantasy they have embedded in their heads. They're set in their ways, but will expect you to change every aspect of your life to please them. Fuck. That. Noise. Plus, you're most likely going to be dealing with an ex (or several), and a couple of snotty teenagers.

If you're 50, a guy, single, and wealthy...Tiger Woods had the right idea. Buy the pussy. It has to go home afterwards, and they can't divorce you. You're too old to date, the only age group that will date you seriously will fuck your life up with kids and homemaking and all that, or divorce your ass, and everyone else will have an agenda.

Rent the pussy. Ant can afford the best, and he gets to keep the Jag. Be a sugar daddy. Get a relatively cheap place in the city, park a girl there, pay her bills, fuck her when you're horny, forget her the rest of the time. If she gives you any static, dump her and get a new one. Easy. You'll never have to deal with her getting fat, going through menopause, her parents, children, or anything else you don't want to - and if she's in he city, she won't know (or care) if you fuck a 19 year old Long Island chick with daddy issues.

Or, you can be Opie, and bitching at 50 that you can't watch TV.

(Note, this is somewhat tongue in cheek, Ant's too closed off emotionally to have a serious relationship.)

You pay waaaaay too much attention to people who will never be part of your life. You're a stalker, son. Seek help.

Read the last part, dude. Then play the car crash.

the discussion never focused or even broached the area that may be a problem for ant... he's mostly always cheated hasn't he?

Yes he has, and I believe he's been cheated on as well. Especially back in his "I was always trying to be the 'nice' guy" days. So I think he sees how easily he cheated on girls, and how easily they cheated on him, and this causes him to immediately see the worst in people.

He's an ugly old craterface with enough money to keep some butterfaced teens around. Anthony will die alone and happy.

Ant has never been happy for a second in his miserable lonely life.

He's too self-absorbed to understand love. Still longing for the mommie's love (and in his mid-50s still calls her mommy) who dumped him on an absurdly irresponsible dad so she could get her freak on. He's a broken person.

Shut up white knight. We're all fuckin broken.

Who am I "white knight"ing fucko? Use the term correctly or better yet get your own vocabulary.

ok "fucko"

This is the same guy who said he'd still have sex with a thirteen year old. You know it's bad when both Opie and Jim are like "what the hell is wrong with you?"

Sounds like things finally ended with Apology Girl

That's terrible, I'm sorry

Oh, you don't have to apologize.

Any more info?

Patrice would have killed in this discussion.

Right in the feels. Remember Dr.Z discussion?

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quick with a quib, quick with a quib, he's known to be quick with a quib.

No one will ever date Ant because of sexual attraction and true love again. Not everyone is in his boat.

I never even thought of that angle. That is really deep and dark. Getting old really is like a cancer diagnosis.

Unless you're a 13 yr old girl... Then you probably are.

Ant's combined rants today were legendary. He talked through the two interviews and most of the show and it was all gold. Deep Thoughts with Anthony Cumia.

He's dead on

Ant digs him some Queensryche.

Sounds like Shai Hulud lyrics

Shai Hulud reference. FUck yeaH!

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Shai Hulud would say it in like three times as many words though

Keep in mind, this is coming from a man who is divorced, unmarried, never found 'the one' got married even though he didn't WANT to get married for whatever fucking reason, and lets be honest here, he's an older gentlemen now. Anthony probably realizes he's going to die alone and this is his way of lashing out.

To add to this, he could have been less of a pussy and actually stood up to his ex wife every now and then. If your entire relationship revolves around your wife telling you what you can and can't do and she totally controls you, its your own fault for being a faggot.

My God, you have amazing powers of hindsight!

True. I try to only use my powers for good, but I just had to make this one exception.

a Lot of faggots defending love in here...

LOL they really are just a bunch of hens in here

I love my wife and kids. Whatever. To each their own.

Shhurreee

I dont think he was talking about child love.

or maybe.... he was ...

That's all I need my wife, my son and a cup of coffee. Am I right?

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lol check w/ us after you find her fucking a black man in your bed, u fag

She wouldn't dare without prepping the cuck

or whatever teh fuck Jimmy is always talking about.

Such a pessimistic paradigm he has built for himself. "There is no Love only Lust" if fits perfectly with how he wants to live his life.

Remember everybody is the hero in the movie of their life. No one is the villain.

(Post by listener offended by the idea that "love" is a romanticized word for a chemical reaction meant to felicitate life-producing coupling)

HA HA Noises!

Dont you preachy, saccharine pricks pretend he's wrong. If your wife or girlfriend suddenly had her vagina plugged up permanently, youd ditch her in a second. So much for love.

That's what the ol' asshole is for.

Sick "quib" reference bra!

it was an incredible insight into the man's psyche

There's a point where being cynical is just a defense mechanism because you're an overgrown baby man afraid of being hurt or alone.

Come on /u/knitro seems like you're panicking.

What kind of person posts comments that self reference their flair.

(check my flair) I'm all in on the bit.

Fox news whooshing breaking news noise

MAN GOES THROUGH EXTREMELY MESSY DIVORCE; IS SKEPTICAL OF HUMAN AFFECTION

fox news gong noise

MEANWHILE MILLIONS OF STABLE LOVING MARRIAGES EXIST

cnn fanfare

YOUR EXPERIENCE DOESN'T COLOR REALITY?!?

More than just a grain

One of favorite Cumia quotes

True. I try to only use my powers for good, but I just had to make this one exception.