I feel like such a prick for doubting him.

I like... I like me. My wife likes me. My customers like me. 'Cause I'm the real article. What you see is what you get.

And by the way, you know, when you're telling these little stories? Here's a good idea - have a POINT. It makes it SO much more interesting for the listener!

what's that supposed to be? Some kind of sick joke?

I uh... I don't have a home. Marie's been dead for eight years.

If I wanted a joke, I'd follow you into the john and watch you take a leak. Now are you gonna help me or are you gonna stand there like a slab of meat with mittens?

I could tolerate any insurance seminar. For days I could sit there and listen to them go on and on with a big smile on my face. They'd say, "How can you stand it?" I'd say, "'Cause I've been with Del Griffith. I can take ANYTHING." You know what they'd say? They'd say, "I know what you mean. The shower curtain ring guy. Woah."

What a barrel of laughs! Keep making threads!

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i was the candy keeeeeed ;)

You were probably the molested kid.

I've been riding with the Philly crew

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Ok ok ok...about this Candy Kid story. I listened to it, but I can't understand why that part is unbelievable. I do find the whole bookie thing hard to believe though.