"No, that's not mine. I don't own and operate a sports bar."

Ding!

That was a long time ago!

Finest Natty Ice on tap. Happy hour starts at 7am.

The Monkees blaring on the jukebox, bedbugs nestled in the baseboards. Tonight's special, a coffee coolatta and 4 hard boiled eggs.

You have to go across the street if you need to use a toilet.

The bathroom is an empty room without a toilet where you just shit on the walls

No doors on the stalls with some behemoth inside muttering "I just gotta get it out."

Clothing optional

No, no, if you need to throw up they have plenty of sinks available.

Giant statue of W.C. Fields when you walk in the front door

Dianna's passed out once you walk in. Colin's bartending. Marion's on karaoke. Bobo's cooking. Sounds like my little slice of Heaven.

Marion is all man, she'll be taking over security duties

They nicknamed her The Babllin' Bruiser and she wears a leather jacket

You talk'n shit on the New Jersey Badass? She will find out about this, hunt you down, and beat the living fuck out of you.

That place would go out of business in a day or less.

Colin's giving out free booze. Marion's giving out free headaches. Bobo's setting the place on fire. And Diana is oblivious to it all.

Bobo's setting the place on fire

If he's not, any one of the other customers is.

You forgot that Di's naked on a futon and is clumsily reaching for her Natty Ice, oblivious that she's in a restaurant.

or alive

Can anyone imagine Bobo trying to follow a recipe? There's a bit right there.

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Um, no, I don't think Lady Di owns this place.

Oh literal Josh_Goodnaturedly

Yeah, but can't you picture her waddling in and trying to use her name like it means something?

I wonder if they serve Water Buffalers?

Bill wouldn't stand for this.

All the booths are bench seats from old Cadillacs.

DO NOT EAT THE TUNA!

OMG HAS ANTONY SEEN THIS YET? LO L FU K YOU