Opie: Patrice would buy a pair of shoes, and wear them only once!

Anthony: I believe there is a term for that.

Colin: Yes, it's called 'temporarily wealthy'

Some of my favourites:

About Anthony: "This back alley tunisian knife fighter..." A "Corsican pimp" "Anthony looks like a Bask jai alai player."

Jimmy: "Sorry, grey lesbian hair." "I'm not going to sit here and listen to Oxygen Network executive hair tell me what to do." "Jim sleeps in a petri dish."

Bobby: "Bobby looks like a last minute gift at the beijing airport." "You should be whipping huskies on a sled right now" "Do you talk like that when you're selling rugs to tourists in Istanbul? No. So don't do it here." "You want to live the American dream but you're not fit for it."

Scorch: "He's Howard Hessman." "He looks like Richard Kuklinski, the iceman."

The petri dish line was one of Patrice's I think...although it did come right after Colin called Norton "Jimatozoa".

nah the petri dish thing was CQ all the way, it does kind of sound like something i could picture Patrice saying, though.

You're probably right. I might be crossing it with the "Norton is shaped like any container you pour him in" line that Patrice used.

Patrice wasn't in that day.

(About Bob Kelly's ambiguous ethnicity) "You look like your Great-Great Grandmother was raped on the Kaiser Pass."

khyber pass, but this. this may be my favorite non-toosh thing CQ has ever said or done.

[deleted]

sounds about right.

I "Vos'd"

rich vos is like a bird with human arms.

/r/birdswitharms

said jimmy's shirt made him look like a 'cuban domino player'

(Talking to Vos) "You used to be like a hip Lenny Bruce-lookin' guy, now you look like a used furniture store owner...on Route-9."

I just figured out the formula. Old World Empire, Occupation. Never not funny. Ex:

You smell like an Akkadian Stable boy.

CQ could be a history teacher with the references he fires off

I'm a history teacher and want to show Long Story Short to my classes, but I have a feeling some of the students might get offended by the raw language.

He should really keep it more PG.

(To Jim) "How's Ozzy doing? You twelve-year old."

I remember this because Jimmy was making fun of some band's song lyrics and Colin immediately came back with "Just like witches at black masses, you fucking twelve-year old"

I LOVED when this happened because it is so true and no one calls Jimmy out on it. Kiss and Black Sabbath? You cannot get more hokey than those two.

I like that one a lot. It's so terribly incisive. Jim Norton is great, but that's such a cutting blow. It almost makes it more funny that Jim wouldn't disagree.

(To Bobby while he's wearing a hood) "He looks like a Hippo in the middle of being born."

"Jim, get away from me with your Goddamn Puerta-Rican dress pants."

Bob Kelly: "Coming from the Iranian Kevin James, that really hurts", "Bob nude looks like a fat Vanessa Minnillo", "You should be spearing whales in Manitoba", "Alright, Margaret Cho" Jimmy: "You should be James 'Larva' Norton"

There is no one on this planet whom I love hearing use the word "stupid" more than Colin Quinn.

"There's nothing worse than listening to these two nothings talk like they've made it." (About Bobby and Jimmy)

Also about Jimmy and I think Bobby:

They sat in their hotel room and clinked glasses together and said, "hey man, we made it."

That was Kenny and Jim after recording a special.

[deleted]

"Bob Kelly is more Puerto Rican than a purple dress shirt."

"Coriscan Pimp," is one of my favorite CQ quotes about Vos with a Kangol. So obscure, but so perfect.

CQ though, to my annoyance, will never re-tweet a quote about his sexuality.

He also called AnT a Corsican pimp and "a back alley tunisian knife fighter" . Colin also referred to Vos and Athony as "two dumb yemeni cousins arguing"

holy shit lmao @ yemeni cousins

rofl

he's probably an asexual write-aholic

I don't know what to make of CQ's sexuality. Is he gay and doesn't want to trouble his Roman Catholic Irish mother? He is over 50 and is rarely seen with a woman in Getty Images.

Is he going to pull a Todd Glass or Fez once she is six feet under?

He was married shortly.

When he said Patrice mom looked like Roz

I was pretty impressed with Colin, when he referenced Resident Evil 3. I never knew he was such a learned man.

what was the line?

Apparently it was a Resident Evil 1 reference, and it was to the effect of Jim fucking a woman who looked like Tyrant.

Not only does he drop the name of a game, he even knows the final boss. What a spooky man Colin is.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wKOf_XONiGE

The line is somewhere within this video.

Colin "How do you say 'agoraphobia' in Ebonics?"

Patrice: "Just leave your house, dummy."

Colin: "Yeah, but I don't want you to mistake it for your cousin's middle name."

[deleted]

Being from the Long Island Area, His knowledge of it and the nicknames are hilarious. "The Dange"

the konk

Fuck what did he call Bob Kelly that one time? I think it was around the same time that he said Bob can be bought at an Asian airport gift shop.

Tibetan lesbian

He also called him a Bollywood Uncle

This burn and Bobby calling Jim an "unfinished clone" might be my 2 favorite slams from all OandA comic history.

"A fuckin'... Panda."

HOLY SHIT

Genghis Deluise?

That one floored me. He really is our true Lord and Savior. Fuck Denny.

"A last minute gift at the Beijing airport."

A sitting Buddah statue?

(To Patrice) "YOU GODDAMN PASSIVE-AGGRESIVE WHITE BASTARD!"

not really an obscure reference but one of my favs... Colin and Patrice were in studio and they were arguing about something that happened in the past. Then Colin was given the floor to explain his side of the story and he starts with "This niiii....ncompoop.."

Or when he told Patrice that '[he] wants to cut his hands off, and send them to an African village.'

Oh man, that got one of those resonating awesome laughs from Patrice.

On Super Show 3 he said that Oscar sounds like a "WCW wrestler." Just the fact that he specified that it was WCW, a company which folded 13 years ago.

When Scorch said that there was a show called Zoom and they had dried apple head dolls and that Mick Jagger looked like one, and Colin was like

OH MY GOD JUST LIKE THAT THING ON ZOOM 31 YEARS AGO

I guess not really an obscure reference but I just loved that reaction to someone else's attempt at an obscure reference that had gone horribly wrong.

I've just been giving quotes.

(About Patrice) "He's like a Tribal King in the middle of New Jersey. He has six black open mic-ers sit outside his house and sing his praises."

He said Kurt Metzger looked like a "Bosnian war criminal."

You know a man is funny when you laugh at his jokes and still have to do research to fully get them.

"You can see the Jim Norton telegraphed acting technique on lucky Louie or as I call it king of queens with cursing."

Not obscure but..

Jimmy:"...I'll be in Vegas shooting something..."

Colin:"Yourself I hope."

Not so much obscure, but trashing Bobby because he came off like the kind of guy who wants to invite all of his friends over to watch the game in his den like it was a beer commercial was the best. Mainly because I could picture Bobby starring some awful Bud Light commercial.

You want to live the American Dream but you're not fit for it.

(After Jimmy just stated the obvious about how when they have comics in and how they can't help but bash each other) "Excuse me everyone, my father-in-law would like to make a speech at the wedding."

I love whenever he bites his thumb and goes off on a tirade

(To Patrice) "You can't see a white person without seeing a counter, and a couple of computers in the back, and some guy in the back office, and some Indian in the back office on the computer not giving whatever structural benefits you want."

"Keith looks like a Quiet Storm DJ."

"If Opie wants to dress like Alvin Ailey, let him."

"Newport News, the Vegas of the ACC"

(On him and Patrice's relationship) "To him, I might as well be a clerk at the Department of Social Services. 'Mah benefits dint come through!' 'Where's mah benefits!' "

(On Patrice) "He looks like a Newark Riot passerby from the 60's... and you're lettin' him talk! When I was a little kid he used a pork pie hat."

He said that Artie Lange looked like Brian Wilson during the 70's at his (Artie's) Jimmy Kimmel appearance.

CQ is the best.

Once they were all making fun of Vos for his legs being short and how they dangled off of the chair and he said. "It's weird because I'm used to seeing them chase after Jennifer Aniston with a hatchet." I just realized how much Rich Vos looks like the Leprechaun from the movie Leprechaun.

to Jimmy: You.. you.. WATER MOCCASIN!

Colin talking about some zingers he had ready for his speech at the writers guild awards. "Hey guys, it's been a crazy year for writing..." It's just such a perfectly lazy, hacky line.

I also would love to know what the whole biting his finger thing is about, I saw it in an old HBO special of his too so he's been doing it forever. For a while I thought it was him doing an impression of himself.

Also him talking about Jim's "relationship" with Seinfeld and him just shutting it down with the most biting quip of "He doesn't remember that fool"

And any time the word chick is said he has to explode with his awful Dice "Chicks dig me!"

(On Bonnie and Rich's marriage) "Bonnie's autobiography is going to be called 'I was Collateral Damage'."

[deleted]

Jim: (Giving plugs) "...Rich will be performing at Carolines on.."

Colin: "Why did you use air quotes when you said that?"

[deleted]

[deleted]