The misadventures of Lady Di

24  2014-05-08 by Sentinel_Event

So my friend, the newfan, asked me yesterday why Jimmy hates Lady Di. I began recounting her greatest hits, but I'm not sure I got them all since I've only known her in the reemergence the last year(s).

  • Lost her virginity on top of a door in an abandoned house

  • Endured weekly anal sex in a car

  • Had her son taken away from her by state services (uncertain)

  • Baby daddy threw himself in front of a train

  • Father died (upside is the inheritance. . .)

  • Downside is that she has become a full blown alcoholic, wasting a great deal of $ on Natty Light Ice and. . .

  • Crack. Perhaps a recovering crack addict?

  • Addiction and general poor health causes incontinence

  • She can't/won't work. Unemployed for years now

  • Leeches off another drunk that she might be blowing for rent

  • Has morphed into a barely female version of WC Fields

What did I forget? EDITS below this point!

  • Dishonorably discharged from Navy for partying with creeps at hotels and AWOL behavior

  • During period of homelessness, turned tricks for beer/drug $

  • 1 week internship highlighted by naked puking in SXM bathroom, to which Ugly Betty was witness

  • Squandered part of her intern wages at TGI Friday's, the rest being "stolen" during a sour crack deal in a deplorable part of Elizabeth, NJ

  • Fired from Budweiser plant for suspected drunkenness on the job

  • Fired as crossing guard for drunkenness (sense a pattern?)

  • Fired from convenience store b/c of a short till at cashout

  • Discharged an unidentifiable substance into giant underwear despite passing menopause long ago

73 comments

13  JoeyTheZa 2014-05-08

Was fully nude and puking in a sink in front of America Ferrarra, who played Ugly Betty.

6  Doom_Art 2014-05-08

I can only imagine how horrific it must be to just stumble in to something like that.

4  baggy1 2014-05-08

I think Lady Di was fine with it

1  zersch 2014-05-08

For a fleeting moment I wonder if she thought she was staring at one of the infected from 28 Days Later.

7  mediated_self 2014-05-08

Spotted puking and crying in front of Burger King.

Covered in bed bug bites.

1  lolwut314 2014-05-08

Yes - the burger king vomiting story is a classic

1  [deleted] 2014-05-08

I also got great pleasure from this story.

7  HoagieBoi 2014-05-08

Worked as a crossing guard, fired for drunkenness.

Worked at a convenience store, fired for discrepancies between dollar amount of products sold and amount of money in "till" at the end of the day.

Discharged an unknown, possibly pus-based fluid into her panties in studio and mistook it for a period, despite being well past menopause.

2  JoeyTheZa 2014-05-08

HAHA I forgot about the crossing guard thing. From what I remember, she fell asleep on the job.

2  HoagieBoi 2014-05-08

I can't remember exactly, and I believe during the call wherein she revealed this story that piece of shit Bill was in the background yelling at her not to talk about it, but I think she mentioned she liked to knock back a few during the break between morning and afternoon crossings. So I think maybe she fell asleep and failed to show up for the afternoon shift? She's a disaster either way.

1  moyesboyes 2014-05-08

Is there audio about the convenience store?

1  HoagieBoi 2014-05-08

Apparently it was a Shop Rite near Elizabeth, NJ. Fired after two weeks.

http://youtu.be/KT3tjWo3cdk?t=1h50m37s

1  esdJellyJar 2014-05-08

Shop Rite is a grocery store, not a convienent store.

7  stevex42 2014-05-08

Lady Di is like the human version of The Room. She is such a terrible person that it's almost impressive. And just when you think it can't get any worse, it does

7  HANKKKINGSLEY 2014-05-08

She sucked a homeless guy off while living by the railroad: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sOuUh4oZqC8

Has great bubs.

4  mediated_self 2014-05-08

Does anyone know what day Lady Di listed her 5 favorite movies? I think it was the internship week but I'm not sure what day. I know that on the Xmas Super Show she mentioned owning both La Bamba and The Rose, but that's not the show where she rattled off her top 5 in hilarious fashion.

9  stevex42 2014-05-08

I remember she listed Rocky 2 and Rocky 5. The worst two of the Rockys.

1  karneykode 2014-05-08

It wasn't during her internship. It was a call-in after a listener accused her of crying in a Target parking lot. She listed 5 things that made her cry, one being 'a good movie,' which led to the discussion of her top 5 movies.

1  mediated_self 2014-05-08

I fucking found it, the crying-in-front-of-Target connection helped:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PyKaGHW_y34&feature=player_detailpage#t=1612

4  jhohcable 2014-05-08

If they ask her if she lives on the moon, she replies with all seriousness, because she doesn't understand jokes.

4  JMueller2012 2014-05-08

"Enough. About. The Till."

3  here_comes_unclepaul 2014-05-08

OP, Natty Ice, not Natty Light

2  Sentinel_Event 2014-05-08

I didn't think it could be worse.

2  lworst76 2014-05-08

I thought the first two were Marian (sp?)

3  Koolaider 2014-05-08

I think Marion did end up telling everybody where she lost her virginity during that same show though. It was down in a ditch by some railroad tracks or something like that.

1  CBAnaesthesia 2014-05-08

Nope. Lady Di talked about them during her intern week.

1  Sentinel_Event 2014-05-08

No, that was definitely her. She revealed that during her internship and they had a good laugh over it.

2  lworst76 2014-05-08

Yea I remember intern week... Marion had another ridiculous place that she lost hers hah they're both wack jobs

2  JoeyTheZa 2014-05-08

Was enlisted in the Navy. Partied in hotel rooms with vagrants instead of reporting for duty and was dishonorably discharged. Bothered the VA until they changed her DD to an Administrative Discharge.

2  JoeyTheZa 2014-05-08

Made almost 800 dollars INTERNING for O and A for a week. Spent 200 at TGI Friday's. Had the rest "stolen" when she was robbed outside of a Chicken Hut.

I'm starting to think that maybe she was trying to buy crack.

2  Sentinel_Event 2014-05-08

I think I'm going to list this as a crack deal gone bad.

2  tedsfurrydingle 2014-05-08

That actually now makes a lot of sense.

2  [deleted] 2014-05-08

I'd like to add a bullet point:

  • She's a dud.

2  JMueller2012 2014-05-08

Refused very thoughtful and loving help from Dr. Steve and the boys during her Intern Week. Steve had some tests lined up and a place for her to go to rehab and still has yet to follow up on that. This was the show Colin came in and it turned into an hour intervention.

8  drsteve103 2014-05-08

I would still help her, but she just doesn't recognize that there is a problem, or if she does, doesn't want to face it (which is more likely, the more I think about it).

1  JMueller2012 2014-05-08

I know you would Dr. Steve. You're a good egg

1  [deleted] 2014-05-08

[deleted]

2  Sentinel_Event 2014-05-08

I'm pretty sure it's him, it's the same username that did the AMA a ways back.

1  tehjarvis 2014-05-08

Yep. He answers health questions over at /r/drsteve

1  [deleted] 2014-05-08

No addict does, she's typical in that. She needs an intervention done on her, by her friends and family, and she can still say no - and that's something that does not belong on the air. That's more than a bit, way more. She'd need Bill saying she'd have to move out if she says no, and Marion saying she won't talk to her, and honestly, she'd probably go right back to the railroad tracks now that it's not snowing anymore.

She'd be a challenge to even the most seasoned rehab specialists, IMHO.

1  drsteve103 2014-05-08

Agreed. Totally.

Except for the "not belong on the air" part. If she consented to it, it might help someone to hear how an intervention is done...ah, the more I say it the more wrong it sounds.

You're right, it needs to be done privately. Never mind!

1  Sentinel_Event 2014-05-08

Dr. Steve, has she refused help multiple times? I'm adding this to the list and I want to make the description as detailed as possible. Please include "fluid" in your response. . .

1  drsteve103 2014-05-08

MULTIPLE

1  Sentinel_Event 2014-05-08

True sign of an addict.

1  JoeyTheZa 2014-05-08

Was homeless for a period, and sucked dicks for beer. Lived on the train tracks.

2  CBAnaesthesia 2014-05-08

Sucked the dicks of other homeless people, which is even worse. As Louis CK said when they told him this, you should be blowing people who are at least one socioeconomic class above you.

1  Sentinel_Event 2014-05-08

Fuck, how could I forget these!

1  [deleted] 2014-05-08

[deleted]

1  dianakurlan2 2014-05-08

You forget her overall personality and conversational techniques.

1  JoeyTheZa 2014-05-08

Was fired from a Budweiser factory for being a drunken malingering mess

1  mediated_self 2014-05-08

Was a crossing guard, fell asleep on the job.

2  Bick_Bickerson 2014-05-08

Twenty children died.

1  oandasuperfan 2014-05-08

She passed out from drinking during her break between morning and afternoon, not technically on the job.

1  majestik6 2014-05-08

Lady Di is walking example of the crapshoot that is life.

Patrice didn't drink and didn't smoke and died at a young age. Lady Di has done every bad thing that you're not supposed to do, HUNDREDS of times, and she still walks the earth. She's a walking example of how unfair life is.

2  francis_goatman 2014-05-08

Your point is valid, but It's not like Patrice was a shining example of health himself. He had to have eaten pretty badly for a long time (probably up until it was too late, unfortunately)

1  VeritablyClean 2014-05-08

Says she applies for jobs, but also drinks at least 3 natties before 8 AM

loves the Monkees

2  [deleted] 2014-05-08

Correction, she's been applying for the same job at the dollar store for over 7 years.

They're gonna call, any day now!

1  adrianrooney 2014-05-08

and the tax leans

1  Jterracina308 2014-05-08

I actually live in Elizabeth, NJ and know the exact liquor store Lady Di goes to on Elmora Ave....I feel like I should set up camp one early morning at video tape her buying her precious natty ices and the harass her into getting a fucking job.

2  Sentinel_Event 2014-05-08

Dude, she would totally do an interview. Just tell her you know her from the show, she has to be there every night if you're willing to camp out.

2  karneykode 2014-05-08

Just tell her you WORK for the show...she believes that random people that O&A pass for celebrities are the actual celebrities constantly.

1  Jterracina308 2014-05-08

Okay I'm going to go through with this since I just finished up with school and have some free time on my hands. Any requests for interview questions? I'm going to tell her I'm an intern for the O&A show and need info from her to put in the O&A 20th anniversary book.

1  Sentinel_Event 2014-05-08

That's exactly what I was going to suggest. tell her you're doing a spot about former interns. Start off with some boilerplate questions and then get into the good stuff. See if you can get her to admit that she smoked crack less than a year ago - something along the lines of hearing that she had overcome great adversity, that you heard she recently overcame drug addiction. You'll have to be really coy, Sam Roberts shit-stirrer style.

1  Sandhippo 2014-05-08

Extremely unattractive. Feel like this needs a mention somewhere.

1  Sentinel_Event 2014-05-08

I thought I captured that with the WC Fields line.

1  teaparty88 2014-05-08

Back when I used to listen to stern he had a guy named Jeff the drunk. Lady di is nearly identical to him.

1  Sentinel_Event 2014-05-08

At least Jeff had been in a serious car accident and had that gimp arm, a somewhat tragic story. It makes me wonder why Lady Di isn't on SSI like the Wack Pack. i bet she could finagle a reason that she's disabled.

1  [deleted] 2014-05-08

This post needs to be linked to the sidebar

1  Sentinel_Event 2014-05-08

Yeah, I didn't expect it to be so popular! I'll have to peruse the comments again to add any new exploits that I missed last night. Some of them were repetitive/derivative and I wanted each one to be a fun fact, y'know?

1  [deleted] 2014-05-08

The weekly anal sex in the car started in activity that sounded suspiciously close to "date rape".

1  Sentinel_Event 2014-05-08

I thought that at first when it sounded like one time, but it sounded like an ongoing endeavor. Now that I think of it, didn't she say the guy was married?

1  cabaretcabaret 2014-05-08

Jim doesn't hate her because of any of that. It's her blithering talk-over-everyone while missing the point personality that he hates

1  Sentinel_Event 2014-05-08

I think Marian is the worst for that; Lady Di will shut up eventually.

1  karneykode 2014-05-08

Believed that Jimmy sounding like Kermit the frog was actually Louis CK...believed that Dave Chappelle was in studio at a super show and showed him her bubs, pretty sure the same thing happened with Paul McCartney...

1  Sentinel_Event 2014-05-08

I feel like it's too easy to call her dumb, but if I can collect all her stupid affects into a single description, I'll add it as a capper.

1  teaparty88 2014-05-08

Don't forget she has about 20 credit cards each with 1-20,000 owed

2  Sentinel_Event 2014-05-08

I'm pretty sure it's him, it's the same username that did the AMA a ways back.

1  tehjarvis 2014-05-08

Yep. He answers health questions over at /r/drsteve

1  drsteve103 2014-05-08

MULTIPLE