Empanadas are street food. Only an absolute douche would order them in a sit restaurant on a square plate with french fries and sour cream in a little cup.
It's to help him forget how much he's failed in life. He expected people lined up outside of bookstores like they did for the potter books.
Seriously, lets say he sells 10,000. Quick google search says 1.25/book. His bar gets 3/4 of that and he has enough left over to buy a gun and kill himself when his idiot wife leaves him for Jamal.
Best and/or most memorable meal I’ve ever eaten? My ex-wife [Adrienne] and I both worked for the same insurance agency back then. We were traveling for business for a couple days, training new agents, glad-handing old ones, just making the rounds. We had plans to meet up with another husband and wife team who were some of our better agents in the area and treat them to dinner on the company. Trouble was, neither of us had ever been to Atlanta, except to drive through it at 90 mph on I-75 (such is the local custom). So, being that they were the locals, I suggested that they pick a place and we’d meet them there.
The place they picked was a steak joint called Morton’s of Chicago. Some of you are already sucking air through your teeth, I’m sure, but I did not know what we were getting into. First, we met them at the bar and ordered drinks. Now, I grew up in central Wisconsin, where Miller High Life and PBR flow like water from pitchers and buckets. And while I was far from uncultured, I hadn’t yet been in a place that had specific types of glasses paired to specific craftings of beer. The men drank their brews, while the ladies sipped away on some expertly-poured, garishly-colored concoctions that flowed more like maple syrup than drinks. The before dinner drinks probably numbered three a piece, as we had arrived without reservations and had to wait a spell to get seated.
Once seated, our guide, (I call him a guide because ‘waiter’ simply doesn’t do justice to the service this man provided) gave us menus, which he then went on to explain at length. If the beer-specific glassware hadn’t tipped me off by this point, the fact the menus contained no prices should have. But by then, I was floating along merrily on the dual highs of engaging conversation and a slight buzz. **I ordered my ‘starch’, mashed red potatoes with the skins left in, my meat, a filet mingon well-done, and another round of drinks.
I’m sure some of you are cringing at the very concept of a well-done filet mingon, but the texture of rare meat doesn’t agree with my palate. I understand that many carnivores prefer their steak’s experience with fire to be limited to burning the hair off a still twitching slab of muscle tissue, but I don’t believe we stole fire from the Gods just as a way to smoke-up our tents. I want my meat good and dead.** The trouble with this is, under normal circumstances, I ask for well-done with the expectation that the cook will assume I’ve suffered some sort of traumatic brain injury, leaving me incapable of forming or holding rational opinions, and therefore deliver a steak the way he wants to cook it, which is typically medium if I’m very lucky. The alternative is, since the furthest most cooks ever go with their steaks is medium, if they actually venture into the unexplored territory of cooking a well-done order, they invariably cook it until it has the texture of saddle leather found amongst the artifacts of a Civil War era battlefield.
Morton’s is chain-quality swill and naturally Patso thought it was fine dining. Then again, Fatty gets a well done steak slathered in butter and A-1 sauce so it may as well be McNuggets for that slob
Empanadas are street food. Only an absolute douche would order them in a sit-down restaurant on a square plate with french fries and sour cream in a little cup.
28 comments
1 OpiesInstantReplay 2019-05-23
Let me guess, alcohol?
1 PsychopathyRed 2019-05-23
There was a beer in view
1 percykaramello 2019-05-23
Yes and #empanadas
1 Single_Action_Army 2019-05-23
Awww, rewarding himself on his biiig book launch?
Perhaps rewarding himself for the next 300 days or so.
1 stealthygeek 2019-05-23
Empanadas? Must be mini marathon season already.
1 SuperTubsPeterson 2019-05-23
Empanadas are street food. Only an absolute douche would order them in a sit restaurant on a square plate with french fries and sour cream in a little cup.
1 FlatlipsTLumpyson 2019-05-23
It's to help him forget how much he's failed in life. He expected people lined up outside of bookstores like they did for the potter books.
Seriously, lets say he sells 10,000. Quick google search says 1.25/book. His bar gets 3/4 of that and he has enough left over to buy a gun and kill himself when his idiot wife leaves him for Jamal.
1 MarbleSpaceCat 2019-05-23
He won't sell more than 150. 10k is wildly optimistic.
1 throwbenny 2019-05-23
How many sharpies do you think he'd bring?
1 percykaramello 2019-05-23
How ever many that are already up his ass
1 Der-Giftpilz 2019-05-23
Fucking yuck "Eating authors" ((( Schoen))) http://www.lawrencemschoen.com/plugs/eating-authors-patrick-s-tomlinson/
1 PsychopathyRed 2019-05-23
"I'm not fat, child."
writes an 800-word essay about eating
1 SomervilleDan 2019-05-23
The place they picked was a steak joint called Morton’s of Chicago. Some of you are already sucking air through your teeth, I’m sure, but I did not know what we were getting into. First, we met them at the bar and ordered drinks. Now, I grew up in central Wisconsin, where Miller High Life and PBR flow like water from pitchers and buckets. And while I was far from uncultured, I hadn’t yet been in a place that had specific types of glasses paired to specific craftings of beer. The men drank their brews, while the ladies sipped away on some expertly-poured, garishly-colored concoctions that flowed more like maple syrup than drinks. The before dinner drinks probably numbered three a piece, as we had arrived without reservations and had to wait a spell to get seated.
Once seated, our guide, (I call him a guide because ‘waiter’ simply doesn’t do justice to the service this man provided) gave us menus, which he then went on to explain at length. If the beer-specific glassware hadn’t tipped me off by this point, the fact the menus contained no prices should have. But by then, I was floating along merrily on the dual highs of engaging conversation and a slight buzz. **I ordered my ‘starch’, mashed red potatoes with the skins left in, my meat, a filet mingon well-done, and another round of drinks.
I’m sure some of you are cringing at the very concept of a well-done filet mingon, but the texture of rare meat doesn’t agree with my palate. I understand that many carnivores prefer their steak’s experience with fire to be limited to burning the hair off a still twitching slab of muscle tissue, but I don’t believe we stole fire from the Gods just as a way to smoke-up our tents. I want my meat good and dead.** The trouble with this is, under normal circumstances, I ask for well-done with the expectation that the cook will assume I’ve suffered some sort of traumatic brain injury, leaving me incapable of forming or holding rational opinions, and therefore deliver a steak the way he wants to cook it, which is typically medium if I’m very lucky. The alternative is, since the furthest most cooks ever go with their steaks is medium, if they actually venture into the unexplored territory of cooking a well-done order, they invariably cook it until it has the texture of saddle leather found amongst the artifacts of a Civil War era battlefield.
1 SuperToes845 2019-05-23
Philistine!
1 Der-Giftpilz 2019-05-23
Poor Pattykin's tum tums can't handle it rare
1 SamGPHX 2019-05-23
He went to Morton’s. A fucking chain and part of the Landry’s pile of mediocrity.
1 PatBattle1 2019-05-23
Morton's is pretty good brotherman, I was just disappointed in the small portion size for the money.
1 CarolMaxheinie 2019-05-23
Morton’s is chain-quality swill and naturally Patso thought it was fine dining. Then again, Fatty gets a well done steak slathered in butter and A-1 sauce so it may as well be McNuggets for that slob
1 GiygasFetus 2019-05-23
I had a filet mingon and some mashed potatoes. They were really good.
How fucking hard was that?
1 the_drizzter 2019-05-23
Bwahahahaha!
1 IGotATreeOnMyHouse85 2019-05-23
He’s so lame, I would feel bad for him if he wasn’t such a massive douchebag asshole.
1 Dick_NiPaolo 2019-05-23
Hope it's his last
1 4stepsbackward 2019-05-23
Feed Patty https://i.imgur.com/xUed73b.jpg
1 MrStealYourVape 2019-05-23
There's enough calories in that one meal to reach his maintenance level. But no, child, he's not fat.
1 PsychopathyRed 2019-05-23
He runs half-marathons, buttercup.
1 246h8 2019-05-23
Picture it! The location: Mars The year: 2097 The person: Andrew Jackson The Title: Red Dirt Manifest Destiny
I just wrote a better concept for a book on a cocaine and jagermeister high than that fat fuck.
1 SuperTubsPeterson 2019-05-23
Empanadas are street food. Only an absolute douche would order them in a sit-down restaurant on a square plate with french fries and sour cream in a little cup.
1 GiygasFetus 2019-05-23
I didn't know you could post dick pics on instagram.