I mean I like Artie, but what’s he doing?

Yeah but how tf is his nose like this

Fatal amounts of Schedule I narcotics.

Breathing through his mouth.

that's Artie "no nose" Lange

He looks like something out of a Tom and Jerry or Roadrunner cartoon when Tom or Wile E Coyote get smashed in the face with an anvil. Only his nose isn't going to magically reappear in the next scene.

He just needs to pull it out with a toilet plunger

nose

Why is he called that?

Because he robbed a pedophile

Artie's profile is the funniest thing he's done since his fight with Crystal Clear.

Don't come home without those ribs baby!

Is he pressed up against a plane of glass?

No. A jet of glass.

A glass peckah!!!

It's ''pane'' stupid.

Looks like a chimp attack victim

Maybe Ant bit it off during the firing

As if Ant would ever have the balls to sit in on something like that

Great reference. I've been terrified on Chimpanzee attacks ever since I've heard of them.

Don't live in Central Africa, don't climb into the chimp enclosure in a zoo and/or don't be one of those morons who thinks they'd make a cute pet and you should be able to avoid getting attacked by one pretty easily. Of all the realistic things to be worried about, getting your face torn off by a chimp should be quite far down the list.

Sounds like someone has never broken down in Detroit.

They have a safari park in Detroit?!

black ppl

You could call it that.

Yes, it's called Detroit.

RIP Ralphie May

A chimp has to be one of the worst thing to be attacked by.

They like to rip your nuts off

Is that what happened to you?

Shh....I'm transitioning.

It's entirely possible

Yeah that's what the woman in the middle of Ohio thought lol.

Yes but didn't the dumb bitch keep one as a pet and dress it up as a baby etc?

The owner wasn't the one who was attacked.

The owner wasn't the one who got attacked, keep acting like you're smarter than everyone else tho lol.

Huh? I'm not even familiar with the story. I thought you were talking about the one they made fun of on O&A.

Yeah same story. Nice listening comprehension, stupid.

No "lol" this time you sensitive, thin-skinned faggot? I hope your retarded fears come true and a baby chimp rips your eyes out.

Lol

Who has the thin skin tho?

Hopefully you, right around the eyelids and throat. In the nicest possible way.

Didn't mean to hurt your feelings sweetheart lol.

You somehow took a jokey comment as a personal affront to your intelligence. No good trying to turn it around now, it's too late. And adding "lol" doesn't make you sound amused and nonchalant, it just makes you sound like a passive aggressive bitch.

Lol

They seem nice after watching Most Valuable Primate, but they will tear your cock off as soon as they get the chance

I'd fuckin slap em with it

Jamie, pull that up

How is this possible. It's so bulbous and swollen from the front.

The drugs gradually erode the cartilage that separates your nostrils.

Ya kiddin'!?

Maybe you can use his technique on your belly button 🤷‍♂️

Got her

holeee shit

You might be onto something...

Just turn a few more tricks on those old white men. Get your self a heroin/cocaine addition and shoot that shit right into that muppet nose you call a belly button

Then trick her into shoting hgh(human growth hormone) and testosterone.

It's high time this sub had a baby.

Attached to a black woman, there's a 50 percent chance she'll abort it.

What do we name it if it lives?

Vizio

How dare you. I'm sitting pretty at 66.66%.

Surely medical science has come to the point where we can recreate a septum.

You go right ahead and be the doctor to prescribe painkillers to this fool.

He wouldn't make it past the death panel.

he could stick a couple stainless washers in those nostrils and look semi normal

he could, but he won't. Lazy junkie

He'd probably try to sell them for scrap to get drug money.

Fucking degenerate. Ran out of sympathy for this piece of shit five arrests ago. Fuck him.

Personally, I stopped caring about the fat piece of shit when he couldn’t even sink a knife deep enough into his belly to do any real damage

Chris Farley’s death was more noble

At least Chris was a humble guy. Artie thinks of himself as a comic genius, and not just like a thousand guys who exist on a worksite who are funny and tell good stories. Farley would tell his friends he didn’t think he was funny and people only liked to see that fat guy fall down. People loved and wanted to help Chris, Artie has successfully annoyed anyone who ever gave a shit.

Still the biggest snot bubble I've ever seen.

Van on, Mr. Foley.

The picture of him holding the rosary while dead, he knew it was the end. Shits sad

He really is a worthless scumbag.

Lil jimmy?

I'm not even fucking kidding, people have been completely fed up with him and certain he was on the verge of death 2 fucking decades ago. This Kuhn-nosed fatso will outlive us all.

Lol

😂

This can't be real but I think it is.

pancake nose

If he wasn’t known, he’d go viral for his fucked up mugshot

Somehow he's less famous because he's too famous. Obscurity is a strange land.

Too known for his nose to be a mystery but too obscure for people to give a shit

People see that and someone will point out he’s just a drug addict that used to do radio, no wondering if he got punched really hard or abused as a child or whatever. He’s just a fat druggie

If I was shown this picture without any context I wouldn't have been able to tell you who it was. He would have been better off shooting the shit like an adult.

He actually looks good in this picture, other than the nose.

Like he got Botox or lip fat injections

Looks like his liver is finally failing.

Honestly can you tell by something in this image?

I'm no doctor, but I'm thinking the jaundice is probably a bad sign.

nigga look like a simpson character

Alright WebMD just trying to see if I reached liver failure yet.

And his nose too

Why the fuck hasn't he gotten a nose job yet?

Because in order to have reconstructive surgery on your septum, you have to refrain from doing nasally ingested substances for about a year prior.

I think you can do the math on your own.

No surgeons in the halfway house worth a damn

This is the guy Anthony banked his network on.

"Let's knock off early."

When 2 hours a day 4 days a week for probably close to six figures is too hard

"I can't make it in today. I'm sick as a dog."

48 minutes into the show, artie gets up and leaves to shovel more corrosive street narcotics up his face hole.

"HA HA HA! HOLY SHIT! GUESS ITS TIME FOR A QUICK PLUG FROM THE GOOD FOLKS AT DEEP DISCOUNT.COM!"

"I could do a 2 hour show on Fridays and give my subscribers 5 shows a week. After all, this whole thing is kind of my last throw of the dice, I probably should put a bit of effort into it. On second thoughts, I'd rather drink alone at home until the sun comes up and sleep until dinner time 3 days a week. I earned it!"

The guy they jacked up subscription rates for and didn't revert after the inevitable flame-out.

Remember the billboard? Keith the Cop is great.

Ugh

He must've failed a piss test or something? They caught him at a halfway house. Usually they just throw your ass out as soon as you come up positive for anything. But I guess because hes on probation they let him stay? He honestly looks like he lost weight. Maybe he finally wised up and started shooting.

Probably thinner from doing that community service work. Before that his only exercise was going out to score.

Is this shopped?

His jaw sticks out further than his nose.

He could eat a tomato through a tennis racket.

Maybe he's a Habsburg.

Probly sprinkles crack on his Habsburgers

That was a damn good reference. Wasted on us retards though.

Been away for a little while. Missed you retards.

Habsburg

When you wanna fuck your cousin but you gotta snort coke first.

He looks like that picture where some people see a young woman and others see an old hag.

This is ridiculous. He's like a junky Skeletor. He's the real life example of that "spite your face" quote.

Should just stick a caulk gun up there.

But for real, please just die or go to prison. I'm starting to think he's Jewish with all the crime he gets away with.

Being a Jew requires a big ugly nose and money, not what appears to be a deflated scrotum taped to your face and pumping gas in your 50s.

If it weren’t for that ridiculous nose I’d actually say he looks like he’s doing better

This cant be real

By this time they're just wasting tax payer money and officer's time with Artie. He never gets jail time and rehab doesn't work. Just let him do whatever.

He'll be like the town rapist who's too old to do any real harm.

Nigga looks like Pooh Bear from The Salton Sea.

Nice bald spot stupid

That's the least of his problems tbh...

Yeah, can't tell if his sallow complexion is the camera or hepatitis.

Is it?

Pathetic. Way to take advantage of your incredibly good fortune dealing with the criminal justice system. Lots of innocent people do decades of time for the offenses that Artie got away with. Too bad he squandered his plentiful opportunities. What an asshole.

Good thing they’ll let him off easy. Again.

Yeah maybe this time he’ll get clean!

Seriously, I believe he needs help and not prison. However, 99 out of 100 people found with that level of possession would be popped for intent to distribute and given no leniency.

Artie will never be happy with his life until he's dead. Those kinds of people are next to impossible to save; they have their minds made up already.

The thing that probably pisses me off the most his how much Artie claims to care about his mother and sister, yet has no problem taking years off their lives with how much unneeded, round the clock worrying and grief he wantonly causes for them, having to wonder every day if that'll be their son or brother's last day on Earth. They shouldn't have to think about that 24/7, but I'm sure they do.

I wanna call say he's self-serving, that he only cares about himself before others, but it's not even entirely accurate: that would imply the guy actually fucking cares about himself.

Imagine being this much of a failure at 51 years old. He has no reason not to kill himself

The burden of proof for his continued existence really has shifted to him now.

At least he never fell in love with a transvestite cam whore.

you can't possibly know that for certain

Chubby Dan Henderson

I don't understand how he isn't in fucking prison right now. I get that famous people usually get slaps on the wrist but the height of his popularity was being third mic on Stern. Does he have pictures of a DA doing coke?

People go to jail for doing drugs? I thought that stopped twenty years ago.

People still go to prison for doing drugs all the time. Get caught with Meth, Heroin, or Crack and you can bet your ass you're doing some jail time possibly prison. Most other drugs(marijuana included) don't result in prison as often as they result in just jail time.

People still go to prison for doing drugs all the time. Get caught with Meth, Heroin, or Crack and you can bet your ass you're doing some jail time possibly prison.

I guess that explains why we have so many homeless junkies out here. I see people doing drugs every day. I thought the complete lack of enforcement was a national thing.

I'm guessing Seattle?

But no, most of the country doesn't just allow useless junkie fucks to wander the streets and then bribe them with candy bars to calm them down when they start to fuck with civilians.

Yep. I'm in San Diego, but I moved here from Seattle.

I can't believe you thought the rest of the country was like those places.

Na man it's definitely enforced where I live down here in Texas. I'm sure some states like California Oregon Washington Colorado are much more lax but a whole bunch of states throw the book at junkies.

If you want to see how crazy it's become, check out the Portland episode of "Drugs Inc."

Here's an example:

In the episode, two cops walk up to a pair of homeless people who are using a public bathroom to smoke meth.

At this point, you're thinking "oh, the cops are going to arrest these two."

Instead, the cops proceed to interview them, basically trying to figure out how they wound up homeless in Portland. Then they proceed to give them $5 each and ask them "not to spend it on drugs."

And then the homeless girls actually start yelling at the cops, demanding more money.

Watching that, my jaw just hit the floor, it was like WTF did I just watch.

But I can totally understand how we got here, because there's a pervasive attitude on the west coast that the homeless problem will go away if we just throw a bunch of money at the problem.

Yeah I've seen some drugs Inc. episodes very similar to that which is why I mentioned this other states. It's crazy how different attitudes are toward laws in different states in the same country. The abortion thing that's been in the news this last couple weeks is another great example.

Portland is fucked. The people who live there all hate cops and the police force is severely understaffed as a result.

Sad but true. I <3 PDX bit it's fucked. I blame all the douchebag transplants from San Francisco.

Why is it called PDX? I get the P is for Portland but what about the D and X?

That's the airport code.

Actually no they dont. Not if it's your first or second offense. Jails are so overcrowded these days that probation and drug court/rehab are where they usually put everybody.

Drug court and rehab are state sanctioned they're really just jails with extra steps. Of course you get probation for first cases but I'm just putting it out there that people are facing jail/prison times for personal amounts of hard drugs. There is not possible way to just say "no they don't" because I've been in prison/jail/ state sanctioned rehabs and seen first hand how many people are incarcerated for recreational drug use.

Especially after multiple violation of probation for dirty urine and general noncompliance.

For sure for sure

BTW this is my experience in Texas. Results may vary.

It depends on where you get caught in Texas. Different counties effectively enforce the laws as they see fit. Generally in a larger county- there's more leeway with possession charges, because the jails/TDC is pretty packed. Also, having a lawyer that isn't court appointed helps in not taking it up the ass in court.

I imagine being on Stern still holds weight in that whole region. Think of all the dummy callers into R&F, O&A and Stern. Those people are still hanging on

Nigga starting to look like maniac cop more each day.

r/wtf material

What nose?

Drugs have turned him into a flat-faced Asian man.

He's a pug

Less nose = blow gets in to your bloodstream faster.

🙊🤣

Nice work ethic stupid

im surprised the guy isn't broke, i guess those stern contracts were pretty lucrative, and some of those books sold a lot. Fat junkie fuck is still driving an escalade..

He's just avoiding ang... still owes him like $25k.

What a Faggot. Just do yourself in already fucking worthless unfunny hack junkie piece of trash. Brittany Murphy's tight lil ass ODS off of a Vicodin and a glass of wine and this sack of shit KOs the reaper everytime.

I fucked her

Recently?

Jor-El had a rough time back on Krypton.

I bet face fucking him feels like ass fucking Esther Ku.

Is this fucking real? nigga wHAT?!

Ol' flatface.

Biggest loser in entertainment.

That's fucking saying something.

Sometimes you have to stop and smell the roses.

K I'll see myself out.

I can't tell if this is photoshopped

"Got your nose. Got your nose. Oh shit, I literally have this motherfucker's nose!"

Pooh Bear

It's like someone played "Got Yer Nose!" with him but forgot to give it back.

or sumptin

This picture is the funniest shit he has done in years.

Well show me a picture of it first.

👉🏻👃🏻

What a fucking no nose having bitch

Somebody get this poor bastard some needles and an instructional video.

the noseless look is hot for the summer

Good thing he doesn't need glasses.

He's going to need the Opti-Grab from The Jerk.

Shit, what happened to him? This guy is a multimillionaire, isn't he?

No way anymore

Ah well, things could be worse, y’know, I uh... I coulda got my nose bit off by a Saigon whore!

His nose unsettles me more than all but the absolute worst gore, imagine poking that little nub at the top

he's got the reverse pinochio syndrome. the more lies the more the nose shrinks.

Well, he found a way to distract from his bald spot.

Arties just trying out as Voldemort in the new movie Harry Potter and the Sorcerers Syringe

Too much window shopping..

Legalize heroin you cunts.

The horror, the horror ...

A decade removed from the Stern show and he still parties like he's making that money.

What did he do this time. If it’s for possession, then why did the cops bother booking him if he’s just gonna be walking the streets again without any significant jail time

Did you just call him a nigger?

Junkies shouldn't go to jail for being addicts. Anything would be better including long term "forced labor". Just look at how much better he looks on the other pics. He scores because he can't handle the pain

This is just sad honestly

Nigga's face looks like it was divided by the treaty of Tordesillas

Fuck his nose, what's wrong with his chin?

What the fu k did he do now? How he violate probation i just saw that video of him pumping gas

Wasn’t he just seen at a gas station acting like he was all wholesome and clean?

What the fuck, is that not photoshopped?!

I bet that makes it easier when he's eating some spic's ass for junk.

Wonder if he’s still able to breathe out of it. Maybe it’s actually clearer now for the air to circulate. I wish I could feel it to see if it could be smudged forward into its original shape.

He can possibly have tertiary syphilis

Bizarro Jew

"I dont nose nuttin, i tells ya."

Fuck, this is bad.