NEWSFLASH: Artie Lange is a drug addict with the willpower (and nose) of a piggy

71  2019-05-20 by HackComic630

39 comments

Dang, I was just going to have him pump my gas to.

For gods sake just lock him up or let him go and stop arresting him for drugs. This is ridiculous

Inpatient residential rehab. What are they not getting about what he needs? Oh, he failed? Why has been allowed out so publicly so soon? Lock him up and throw away the key for a year. He’s being set up to fail because they refuse to recognize the severity of his addiction. If you keep giving an addict the easy way out, they’ll keep looking to make it even easier.

What he really needs is solitary confinement--just three months of him sitting in a cell with food being slid in and out. With Artie being the raging and personable (Italian for "dock-working wop") addict that he is, any human contact is going to inevitably lead to him scoring. That's why all of this shit is futile--he'll always go back to heroin/coke/opiates when he's done--so why can't someone just "enable" this wannabe-Belushi faggot by slipping him some bleach and a serrated knife so he can get it over with.

And a good beating.

I bet that if someone were to punch (what used to be) his nose, it would sound like an almost-deflated whoopee cushion.

Pretty soon his Twitter will say: “Come see Woppo the Clown at the Hackensack Moose Lodge this weekend! Tickets are $10 and include one well drink and a signed copy of his RAP sheet!”

I wonder what stories he'd tell

This made me laugh more then it should have and yes I’m a fag.

Word is he was giving out his location knowing fans would help him cop

I'd assume that was his prerogative. Idiots defending him probably think he was doing it for dumb PR bullshit to keep relevant, which any person with an iota of common sense would avoid doing while still using.

I was wondering how all those “fan videos” kept happening.

I don’t think them occurring by themselves was completely Artie’s doing (like him setting them up or saying to the people “Hey, you can film me but you have to get drugs for me”). I think it was probably just him being fine with being filmed (and made a mockery of for being the pathetic, fidgety hack that he is) because he implicitly knew that fans would want to bring drugs to him to earn his favor/have some demented relationship/association with him by doing so. I think that the people who manage his Twitter account while he’s in rehab posted it because of the positive public spin to it, but I don’t think they did it so he could get drugs. Basically, I’m sure that the videos kept happening and being publicized by his Twitter because of co-aligned, but not coordinated, interests (Artie’s desire to be found and given drugs and the saps handling his Twitter wanting his fans to think positively of him). All a bunch of retarded stupidity, like a low-rent, Jersey soap opera.

The funniest part are the people just yesterday that said it looked like he finally turned it around.

Who would've thought that Art's loyal fanbase of truckers and blue-collar Jersey douchebags wouldn't have strong perceptive instincts? Certainly not me.

He looks likes a completely different person. Maybe it was just a one time relapse. Lol.

Its almost as if the recent videos & photos were not a good sign

I can't wait for the future Artie benefit show and inevitable Norton pontificating.

"Yeah man, addiction is a motherfucker, etc."

Norton's addiction issues are far darker and scarier than Artie's.

Very true, Artie was out pumping gas while the Worm is out pumping Icelandic men with silicone implants. Different crimes warrant different sentences.

"If he stays on this course his struggle could become as hard as mine" -Jim Norton

I love artie

are you cocaine

Artie does drugs??

Well to be fair just about all pump jockeys are druggies.

Was he snorting lines off the Hoboken Police station steps!!!! who the fuck gets caught by the cops for drugs??!

Is that a serious question?

He's in drug court so he gets tested all the time.

why is the country involved in babysitting those assholes, paying for all these rehabs and therapy, probing people's urine and stuff. What a waste.

If only his dad didn't fall off that ladder

"Story developing" Unlike his career.

Tragic, he did so good for a week.

Is he FINALLY out of fucking chances? Enough of this loser.

I’m tired of news stories using his old nose pictures. They need his new piggy nose.

This is just shocking! I feel so dumb after all those tweets that I sent to him about how good he looked and how happy I was to see him getting the help that he needs and that he was finally taking his recovery seriously. I can't even believe it.

Seeing him waving that gay Stern book around begging for Howie to notice him was maybe his most pathetic moment yet.

Artie praising and professing his love for Howard was a dead giveaway that he was using again. If this emotional queer even sees heroin he starts gushing about how much he loves everyone. Sickening.

Most C listers need bad plastic surgery to go full Michael Jackson. Artie is doing it the non-invasive way. This man has a self-hatred that is really hard to understand. He literally had it made: snoozing through Old Man Stern's show for $2MM per year and a GF way above his station. But, nope, dope, dope and dope. Sad!

This development is absolutely and genuinely surprising. I would tell you if it wasn't.

Also still not dead

Jesus Christ how is this possible, I'm saying this as a medical professional