No but I work with this really insecure 40-something woman who'll change her opinion on a dime if someone disagrees with her.

"I was thinking of making a pork roast for dinner."

"Ew, I hate pork roast."

"Oh, I usually do too. That's why I was only thinking about it. Maybe I won't make it."

It's called Schrodinger's Douche

So it seems that there's a personality type that makes people do anything to get social acception.

Yes, there is a personality type like that. Can we be friends now that I agreed with you?

I had a coworker like this. One day, for a laugh, a few of us repeatedly told him he didn't look good and asked if he was getting sick. He ended up going home early because we convinced him he was actually sick.

Keep us updated on this fella

You need to do a weekly post updating us about this dude.

I have a feeling this place will make the news when some Panera Bread in Des Moines gets lit up

Without giving too much away, what do you do to be surrounded by all these crackpots?

Are you a retard shepherd?

I worked with a dude in his early 20s who claimed to have been elected the mayor of some beach town, had attained a rank in the military that would be impossible at his age, and left the job to be a bounty hunter (he became a mall cop)

a good buddy of mine is a pathological liar. We met him when he tried out to be our guitarist years ago and lied right off the bat and we knew it was a lie but it just became a game for us, "who could catch him first".

Before podcasting was a thing I did a little radio show using PC software (pirate radio, which I pirated I think) and a website I built. One day his ex called us out of the blue (how she knew us who knows but maybe he said he was part of the show or something) and blew up his spot something harsh about a ton of lies. When we played it for him he went off his hinges. It was gold.
I really enjoy meticulously listening to liar stories then catching them out in front of people. Do it casually with no inflection and it infuriates them. Dont act like your trying to catch them out just keep acting confused and letting them dig a deeper hole until the "oh wait but didnt you say"

I once had dinner with my exes friend and her new bf. Right off the bat I knew the guy was full of shit. I spent 250 dollars of my own money to dig up research on the guy and totally exposed him to her They broke up.

He claimed degrees from schools he never went to, stolen valor, etc.

lol thats awesome

I hope your exes friend blew you for the effort

She was appreciative (and fairly hot). I really only did it for myself though cause I knew the guy was so full of shit. There's a clearinghouse thing where you can act like you are an employer verifying education credentials and they will tell you if someone attended a particular school or not, and even tell you if they graduated or not. Get this though, the guy claimed he had a degree from Gonzaga. Upon being confronted, he even provided transcripts and a diploma.

I ran the inquiry back to the clearinghouse and they stood by their "no record" original response. So, I contacted registrar at Gonzaga. Normally I'd think they would not give out info but I think they were so irritated when I showed them a photo of the "diploma" that they freely told me it was a fake and this person never went there.

Guy ends up confessing that its all bullshit and he only has some credits from University of Phoenix, which I was able to confirm.

thats great.

Before the jacuzzi

The owner of my company does that every time I talk to him, he knows nothing about the industry we’re in and doesn’t have the money or is the big shot he claims to have / be. 90 percent of the stuff that comes out of his mouth is bullshit.

What industry is the company in?

Food sales and service. The owner of the company bought it for his girlfriend who may or may not be a drug addict. She thinks she’s entrepreneur, but she lacks professionalism, business acumen and management skills. She thinks Alec Baldwin’s role in Glengary Glenross is the model for proper management. The owner is a great example of dunning-Kruger. If the idea isn’t his own , he doesn’t care.

That's no way to run a Panera Bread restaurant.

I know, now if you’ll excuse me, I have to clock back in before the crack head bites my head off.

Son, you give me your store ID number and your manager's name and I'll have that crack-smoking moon-cricket thrown in jail and give you his job in less than 48 hours.

Nah she’s certifiable white trash and she’s fucking the owner too.

You feel like running the place, boy, you just say the word. I'll not have this degenerate filth representing the same fine establishment we do.

Thanks fam.

Thanks though.

So it's just something to keep the girlfriend busy, got it.

I worked with this transgender ho who "knows" Donald Trump and everytime she missed work shed be like oh I was at mar a lago yesterday.... made $12 an hour.

His daughter tiffany is a real one who parties with the common people (prostitutes with drugs) if you wanna try to be believable

You're working with Joey Diaz?

At my job they give out a monthly $500 bonus for exemplary performance or whatever. So there used to be a guy here who was a perpetual burnout liar that everyone hated but he was good at his stupid easy physical labor job so he was never fired.

One day he went to lunch and didn’t come back for like 3 hours. He obviously got high and fell asleep or just didn’t feel like coming back. What he told everyone was that he witnessed a terrible car wreck and pulled a woman from a flipped, burning car and he had to stick around and answer questions and shit. Such fucking bullshit. But word of his heroism made its way up the chain and the gullible old lady co-owner of the company gave him the $500 bonus that month for saving a life. Everyone really hated him after that.

eww. what kind of fucked up company did that lady own?

We’re the biggest online retailer for a somewhat niche market. The amount of money we bring in is insane compared to how incompetent/ stupid our leadership is.

interesting. the riches are in the niches

Yes. Thankfully do not work there anymore. He said he trapped a frog in a bucket of chlorine tablets and it turned white. Then it had kids and all the kids where white too. And if we ever saw white frogs roaming around he "started that"

I decided not to bother explaining basic genetics to him

I worked with a guy like that - think Patrick, but with a pig-eyed dumb-as-shit South African twist.

He came in one Monday morning full of some story about having a threesome over the weekend. I told him the French call that a "Ménage à Une" - (one, instead of "Trois/Three") and days later he was still calling himself a jerkoff.

You work with Opie?

Does he get pussy from work bitches or just trying to sound cool around dudes

he's mentally ill then

I work with an older woman who's very into natural health and deep conspiracies.

Believes everything she reads, no ability to think critically. She believes that the moon landing was faked but also that there were aliens in a crater just out of frame of Aldrin's photos. Takes bitter almond (low, low dose cyanide) multiple times daily to prevent cancer, 9/11 was a vague conspiracy, there are cities beneath DC, Edmonton, all over the world, and the moon, vaccines cause autism and give you the disease they're supposed to prevent, American UFOs burned Notre Dame, etc., etc.

When asked to elaborate, she completely flounders. Fun to challenge sometimes cos she gets super defensive.

A guy we nicknamed BBW always talks about how skinny he used to be.

I work with a fat gay guy who claims he used to be a dancer. He's a bit like that fat black gay guy in Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt.