Imagine being Patrick S Tomlinson’s wife
74 2019-05-13 by ISO__JOE
You wake up at 6 am to go to your shitty retail job. Your fat fucking idiot husband is snoring and smelling bad while you’re struggling to get ready for work. You come home, and he’s gone. You breathe a sigh of relief and enjoy the next hour until happy hour is over and he comes stumbling in with bratwurst all over his shirt and shitty beer breath. “DID YOU H-HEAR WHAT DRUMPF DID TODAY, LITTLE ONE?” You cringe and get ready for craft night. He won’t shut the fuck up, spitting bratwurst all over his star trek model while he espouses basic bitch political opinions and talks up his terrible books. You tell him rent is due next week and ask if he looked for a job today. His face turns beet red and he proclaims you a child in a loud, shrill voice. He tells you the book is hitting shelves soon and all your financial woes will be something to look back on and laugh. Suddenly he falls back on his chair and a full bratwurst emerges from his lips. You can’t tell if he’s passed out or dead, but then he rolls over and pulls out of his obamaphone and starts browsing the opie and anthony sub on reddit in a puddle of vomit.
25 comments
6 McGowan9 2019-05-13
Meanwhile his ex-wife howls through multiple orgasms every single night as "2 Coke cans welded together" Jonathan blows glue-like baby-making batches into her dilated but eager snatch.
5 Jim-sucks-shit 2019-05-13
He probably brags about giving us Redditard trolls the business. She shakes her head in disgust but fat pat fails to notice.
4 IGotATreeOnMyHouse85 2019-05-13
He prob tells her that his work of “bringing the truth” to upset Nazi’s/Incels/Trolls/Infants/Children etc. is MUCH more important that making any money. “Ugh, God Nikki, don’t you want to be on the right side of history? I’m out there punching nazi’s Little one! We can’t let the fascists win or we’ll be learning Russian, Child!”
4 stealthygeek 2019-05-13
I'm willing to bet she has had to apologize for Patrick's "nazi incels are out to get me" rants at social gatherings before.
"He's just under a lot of pressure with the new book coming out." They reassure her that it wasn't a big deal but never reach out to her again.
3 IGotATreeOnMyHouse85 2019-05-13
They always “forget” to invite them places. “Oh I’m sorry didn’t invite you two, we thought Pat would be busy being a public figure...”
5 liberterrorism 2019-05-13
“You’re supposed to take me out for my birthday!”
“Sorry, child, I’m too busy filing DMCA claims.”
5 Magicmetalknight 2019-05-13
She goes to bed alone and gets herself off to fantasies of being gangbanged by his ex wife’s new husband and r/ona redditards
5 kingship75 2019-05-13
So we all have something in common?
4 TreeFortRichardsTCel 2019-05-13
pulls out of his obamaphone and starts browsing the opie and anthony sub on reddit in a puddle of vomit.
This could apply to almost anyone here
4 MadCarrot 2019-05-13
Being railed with a glistening black tree trunk while Patrick films it on his phone, vertically? No thanks.
3 SamGPHX 2019-05-13
She goes to work, looks up that Jodi Arias documentary...looking to avoid mistakes she made.
2 IGotATreeOnMyHouse85 2019-05-13
I have a feeling he told her all kinds of lies about himself being a famous “Public Figure” (And successful author who makes well over “6 figures” even though nobody knows him or his work) and now she’s stuck with this fat loser who sits around all day making a mess while she works 6 days a week (he claimed that but I think it’s to stay away from him). Ironically, she married a child, child.
1 FlatlipsTLumpyson 2019-05-13
He's definitely the loser, which means his bitch ass would be asking for alimony.
1 killgav 2019-05-13
Bravo sir!
1 CoreyFeldog 2019-05-13
I mean this Trump guy, a real jerk!
1 [deleted] 2019-05-13
[deleted]
1 GodRollHungJury 2019-05-13
No thank you! I have enough things to think about that make me want to kill myself already.
-1 SuicideAwarenessBot 2019-05-13
If you or someone you know is contemplating suicide, please do not hesitate to talk to someone.
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Call 1-800-273-8255 or text HOME to 741-741
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3 mattyisbatty 2019-05-13
Bad bot!
3 GodRollHungJury 2019-05-13
Fuck you, bot.
1 MySexJunkSmells 2019-05-13
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1 RacistPigeon 2019-05-13
Bad bot
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1 cheeznuts 2019-05-13
Her company is dedicated to helping companies and people improve their internet presence. Meanwhile her husband is getting multiple accounts suspended on Twitter and his Facebook profile is 1 strike from permabanned.
1 NukeAllTheGayWhales 2019-05-13
u/patrickstomlinson comment? This sounds like an accurate portrayal of your gay life.
1 pomegranate2012 2019-05-13
Niki probably has money. Pat's first wife he married for "physical appearance". Therefore his second wife must have been for something else.
Plus, he's now a "homeowner". So, she must have enough to support his lazy ass, Tom-Hanks-in-Big lifestyle, and buy a house.