As you know, most of you are sinful heathens. You drink toxic swill, use sinful language and engage in promiscuity + the inhalation of Satan’s lettuce. Although you often redeem yourselves by punishing the wicked with amusing antidotes, drawings and other creative endeavours that please our Lord, it’s not enough.

It has come to my attention that a great many of you refuse to repent, it would devastate me beyond words if, even one of you, did not make it beyond the pearly gates to rest among the clouds with our loving and forgiving Lord.

Although our Lord is wholesome and pure, he will not hesitate to send you to be tortured for all of eternity and never see your family again for things such as cursing and drinking and “beefer posts” For he is fair and just.

So I encourage all of you, when the seductive temptress of lust emerges on a lonely eve to lead you down the path of sin and perversion SAY NO. When a silver tongued devil behind a bar tries to lure you into purchasing the devil’s juice, RESIST and when Lucifer himself emerges from a shadowy alleyway with a bag of illegal substance, RUN AND SCREAM LOUDLY. Also clean up your potty mouths and say 777 HAIL MARYS EACH before sun’s set.

I love you all but I love my father, Lord and Saviour Jesus Christ more. Praise him. Amen.