I’m lying in the shade of a tree, enjoying the mountains of New Mexico. What’s temporarily staving off your thoughts of suicide, brothermen?

29  2019-05-01 by AIIenRicketts


I think there’s real potential for this to become a regular feature. What do you say, fellas?

I hope you sit on a rattlesnake.

I suspect I haven’t made the wisest decision wandering this far from the trail alone. You may get your wish.

I have to witness their deaths

true r/opienanthony zen

Look at Alan Watts over here.

I just don't want to I hurt my siblings and mom by doing it. That's pretty much the only reason.

At least they’re not the reason you want to, brothaman. You may be poor in happiness but rich in family.

Thanks, friend.

Kid for me, my wife deserves a good " you drove me to this" suicide note but I can't do that to my kid.

Kidnap the kid but make it look like a murder-suicide so she's all sad while you take junior to an island and live as fishermen and you take a local for a new wife and be all happy forever.


Why not just kill her instead?

Sometimes I feel this way, but sometimes I want to hurt them for how badly they treated me and others in my family at certain times in our family history. I told my mom I sometimes want to call her into my room, put a bunch of heavy obstructions between the entrance and myself and do it so she has to watch. Good times. Love having an abusive mother and a father than died early on.


Melodramatic homoqueersicle

The knowledge that the so called 72 hour hold at the mental hospital is more like 12 days.

I’m glad the mental health services in your city are working for you, sis. Remember, they only gangstalk because they care.

Yeh I was addressing them through a camera in a reserved parking space sign and an ambulance came and got me within minites... they're crazy efficient

I'm going to assume this means you were screaming at a reserved parking sign for an hour and someone called 911.

And then in the hospital the janitors would go into the closet and get these disposable velcro mop heads that I thought were gonna be used to strap me down and I'd panic and get hit with the chemical restraints anyways. Good memories

I'd bet there was some sort of Buck from Kill Bill situation going on.

Pardon me for interrupting this scintillating confab, but what in tarnation is a "chemical restraint? Thank you, please drive through.

The modern, more humane way of controlling crazy people. They inject you with drugs to sedate you and give you silly legs so you can't walk. I dont go down easy, though. When they weigh me at intake I tell them bump it up a couple dozen lbs so I get a sufficient dose.

Ah. Thank you for the insight. Hope this finds you well.

I don't go down easy

That's not what I've heard.


You really give CPS everything they need in writing.

My total indifference for either living or dying.

Maybe caring is truth death.

It is.

today on tv i watched the star trek where worf gets crippled and wants to kill himself but decides not to because its more difficult to live than to die and the easy way is for faggots

also i have literally 3 gallons of whiskey

once more, with feeling

measuring whiskey with imperial units is a good reason to live, brothaman

Worf is my least favorite. How that bushy eyebrow turd ended up taking a giant dump on DS9 is still an incomprehensible mystery to me. Worf is only good when he is getting shit on by Picard. Useless. And any Worf-centric episode is pure cringe. That two-parter where Worf's "brother" is shepherding refugees is the worst two-parter in Trek and it is not close.

His brother is the guy who says " I don't like soft assed shit " to Nic Cage in The Rock.

I liked when Warf would get all annoyed and his little face would get stern.

STTNG is great.

I love next gen, too, but the shitty parts chap my ass because the rest of the show is so great.

Worf's bro is actually a great character actor, although he is not given anything to work with in that two-parter, and I'd totally forgotten he was in the modern cinema classic The Rock. Good pull.

Remember Worf's little queer-boy son Alexander who later reappeared in DS9 as an incompetent crew member of a Klingon ship

The Alexander story arc is just depressing. Worf is such a failure as a father and there's nothing more cringe-inducing than the various Worf romance subplots. Jadzia was hot, sure, but Terry Farrell is a garbage-tier actress and is one note as fuck, so watching her and Worf have negative a billion chemistry just skull fucked DS9.

The series run of DS9 really is begging for a recut that takes out almost all of Worf's participation, plays down Jadzia, totally eliminates Ezri because she's shit, too, and also chops a lot of Odo because I found his character to be pretty lame if he wasn't fucking with Quark. Again, the Odo / Kira romance was fucking dreck and nonsensical. I almost want to do it myself because of how much some of the series bothers me. The whole Dominion war angle is so strong and amazing with the shades of grey and the philosophy of Trek being stretched and really tested but then you get a bullshit baseball episode or some B plot of Worf and Jadzia and it just grinds the amazing momentum to an absolute halt.

Kind of the essence of all Star Trek for me. Compelling space conflict mixed with cornball quasi-communist feel-good shit.

He was the worst character ever.

Puppers and doggos, fren.


Even ironically, this is hurtful to the core of my being. I fucking hate the baby talking, useless, soy-soaked babble that passes for conversation in the main subreddits of this garbage pile of a website. The knowledge that most of humanity is so deeply faggoty just pierces the veil of any illusion that people are mostly ok. People are shit. 99.99999999% of these hunks of shizer are an embarrassment to the grand mystery of creation. It undermines my ability to try and put something good into the world. I don't want to reproduce or create or really do anything other than flood my bloodstream with narcotics because of the shame that is existing.

So I'm sorry but I don't have anything for you today, brotherman.

Quetiapine and Sertraline.

Don’t wanna be a downer on this fine day but quetiapine fucked me up. I haven’t taken it and years and still shake. Be safe, brothaman.

Thanks, Brothaman. That was me on Wellbutrin. It was a total nightmare. This stuff has probably saved my life, though. A good doctor makes all the difference.

damn you were on shit that hard and you still managed to get riled up on reddit?

I think I got off of it before I was regularly posting.


You gained weight on it? I hate it tbh. Never used it but I have serveral patients using it. Change to voxra

No, haven’t gained any weight. It’s given me my first respite from crushing anxiety ever. It’s actually allowed me to find some motivation to improve myself. So far, so good, but thanks a lot man.

Patients? I hope you're not a doctor, are you..?

My gf

I hope she leaves you.

And then dies in a fiery conflagration.

The thoughts will always be there. But actually doing it, the fact that my parents are still alive along with my brother and niece and nephew means I can't. I'm not that greedy.

You are great person.

Hold on, cowboy. There’s a NEW Mexico?

Can you do something for me? Try to whistle at night and see if a skinwalker comes to you?

no, just mexicans

I’m in the second week of a very expensive cutting cycle. If I’m gunna off myself, I’ll leave behind a jacked corpse.

That's what Mexico is for!

What are you running, brothaman?

Test e250 once a week

Tren ace 100 every other day

70 mgs anavar every day

4ius somotropin gh every day for 6 months. The cycle is 16 weeks

I did a cycle of Test @750mg pw, using two different ugls, one at 500mg and the other at 250mg, using the 250mg Enanthate one as a base because I knew it was legit, backed by bloods. Turned out the other labs sustanon I ran for the other 500mg was bunk (backed by bloods that came back indicating I was in range you'd expect from 250mg test).

I also ran Tren Ace @100mg per day for two weeks, then dropped it to 75mg per day for the next two as the sides were fucked. Couldn't sleep more than 3 hours even with serequol @300mg. Interfered with my diet and training because I couldn't be fuked eating or training due to exhaustion.

My only advice would be inject Tren Ace ED or Max 36 hours to maintain better plasma levels. Every two days is beyond the half life, it isn't completely eliminated, but it dips by over 50% by 48 hours, causing peaks and troughs that aren't optimal for that compound.

Also, are you running Tren Ace for the whole 16 weeks? If so, get your blood work done because your lipids might take a very big hit. Often is the case (but not always) when you run it longer than 4 - 6 weeks. It's very effective as a finisher (ie last 4 weeks).

How's the var? Legit? Also consider doing two Test E injections 3.5 days apart per week, again for optimal blood plasma levels so they aren't dipping and roller coastering.

I just scored a custom made (from my trusted brewer) test decanoate dosed at 500mg for my cruise, 1ml every two weeks! Saves a ton of pinning, though I imagine the pip will be fucked due to high solvents.

Planning a big test and nandralone cycle these coming months. Kick-start it with 50mg a day anadrol, run Deca for 16 weeks @ 600mg and test @500mg pw. Can't wait to blow up and regain some weight after this accident I had that's kept me from training.

I have to see the end of the Rocket saga

The fact that suicide is unpleasant and I’m a hedonist

Waiting for your reaction when you see who got added as a fucking moderator of this sub.

Honestly my life is too busy right now to be as upset as I should be by this. The good news is that this sub is doomed. I appreciate the heads up lol.



the thought of eternal rest is beautiful

I’d like to rewatch true detective season 1.