First off, I don't give a single shit about your political beliefs or whatever. SJW, alt-right, it's all a waste of time. I'm going to tell you the truth, and it's not going to be very nice, but it's going to be accurate. Nobody will say this to your face, but I say it only with the best of intentions, in the hopes you'll possibly take my advice and lead a better life. While keeping Harry Potter, cats, feminism - giving up nothing you hold sacred.

Revlon and Dove filled your head with lies about how girls like you are gorgeous and unique because they wanted to sell mascara and body lotion. Unless you're rich, the pretty boys get the pretty girls and the pretty girls get the pretty boys. There's being an independent woman - paying your own rent, supporting feminist politicians, everything Beyonce sang about. But there's also the general pursuit of happiness and the steps people actively take to avoid it. One of the comedians we trash - Jim Norton, I've rarely ever seen a man go through such exhausting efforts to make his life shitty and miserable. You only get one chance at a life, and every night spent sobbing into a kleenex is one miserable night closer to death.

Step one: learn your value, but in the process gain some confidence. Swipe right to 300 guys on tinder and the first one that messages you, have his cock in your mouth by Saturday. Don't try to hide your weight with low angles and have it be a big surprise he'll find out later either. Squeeze yourself into a one-piece swimsuit and let every sexual partner know just how curvaceous you are. Call yourself a BBW (big beautiful woman), embrace it.

Step two: Take all that Revlon shit in your head - your true beauty is inside, gorgeous is gorgeous no matter how much you weigh, my physical appearance doesn't define me - and apply it to every single guy that messages you. Instead of only applying that shit to yourself. You simply cannot demand the world to look at you through a certain lens, but then decide none of that applies when it's your turn to judge boys. That attitude is how you end up with surrogate cat children. Whichever choice you make - "I guess humans do judge others by physical appearance" or "true beauty is inside", it needs to guide you into settling for uglier men. Or hitting the gym, going from "obese" to "thicc", thus increasing your physical value, thus increasing the value of your male suitors.

Step three: Now that you've got an ugly stranger's cock in your mouth, three things will happen. (1) He'll break off contact with you, wanting a pump and dump. (2) You'll break off contact with him, cause he sucks or voted for Trump. Or (3) You both kind of like each other and make plans to reinsert that cock in your mouth. Modern dating is all about putting up with the emotional turmoil of (1) and (2). Get drunk, listen to a few sad songs, and try again until you get to (3).

Stop following Patrick. Stop following us. Stop fighting "nazis" online, your efforts won't stop them from badmouthing jews. This lifestyle does not bring you joy, it just reinforces your misery: you're the victim, the evil men are out to get you, Trump bad.

You know what feels good? Sweaty, post-sex cuddling with a fat guy, watching Office reruns, ordering a stuffed crust pizza to split, your cat nuzzling it's dumb head up against your new man. You rest your head on his shoulder and he gives you a little kiss right there on the forehead. Get there. All it takes is you lowering expectations.