I gotta find Bubba!

They said it was a million dollar wound, so they are paying him 60k a year...

Under fire: Cower in foxholes/behind cover and then lie about his role in combat, generally dropping his gun a lot and possibly killing himself with his own frag grenade

Outside combat: Annoy his squadmates with spontaneous guitar playing/tapping and endless talking, suspicious friendly fire incident eventually

https://youtu.be/kC9RRetQmy8?t=212

I see him being Sgt. O’Neill in Platoon.

His drill instructor would choke him, his fellow recruits would beat him with soap bars and he'd start talking to his rifle which would improve his aim slightly. From then on things get a bit more trying.

He’d be one of those people you hear about that intentionally misses when they shoot at enemy soldiers, and that would only be when one of his superior officers goaded him out of wherever he’d been cowering.

Upon entering boot camp, however, he’d be the first to inform his superiors of the bevy of pre-existing medical conditions that somehow eluded the recruiters. In fact, I wouldn’t be surprised if that’s what landed him in light kitchen duty.

You know, now that I’m talking this out, maybe his dishonorable discharge was actually an elaborate act of cowardice to avoid active duty. Perhaps his little problem with “sticky fingers” was actually a desperate act of self preservation.

his little problem with “sticky fingers”

Do you mean his thievery or his irresistible urge to jerk off other men?

https://youtube.com/watch?v=lZe9qEWVFHU

I think I know why he never made it through boot camp. Good ol joe “don’t ask don’t tell” cumia had one to many complaints.

He would die in a foxhole while counting out his daily ration of ham cubes.