Alright everyone, alright. Joe, you know we love ya, you know that.

applause, whistle

But I do want to know: what’s the deal with the Sons of Anarchy? Or are you cosplaying as Vito when he got caught in the night club? I can’t decide!

-crowd laughs, HA HA HOLY SHITS_

The thing about Joe is, that no matter how hard you try and how hard you push, the man will simply NOT deny that he is a pedophile...even in court, folks!

Ok guys, we've got the whole Cumia clan here, so it looks like NASA's mission control room... in 2019.

I was shocked when first I saw Joe on People's Court, but I was even more shocked when it wasn't a neighborhood dispute over child spit. What? Too real?

Well we did this yesterday but okay.

Why are you booing me? I'M RIGHT!

We do this everyday now, so like it.

I missed yesterday. We get a mulligan since it broke late. And also, shut up. Don't ruin my happy place.

His fat fucking gut would show...he's not quite starving

AHAHAHA- Y, uh, yes. I'm, uh, ROASTING Joe. I am a, uh, NOTED roaster. AHAHAHA.

60k, that's a dollar for every dick he's sucked

Good old Port Jeff Joe. He had Anth rent his duplex at "the end of the line" in Port Jefferson Station because his Johns are in less of a rush. Compound East? More like Cum Pound Me! Tho after seeing your emails, it's now the Big Suffolk Ranch.

I kid, I (desire a) kid. It's one of only a dozen horrible, broke, crime-ridden towns on Long Island overrun by moolies. With his rap sheet, he fits right in. I should know - I studied HAHAHA HOH LEE SHIIT - I studied Black Crime Statistics at The School of Hards Knocks HAHAHA. I operate all aspects according to precise military standards I learned at Education: US Army.

We tease because we care! Joe is the street smartest guy I know which is lucky because he has no formal education. He could've taken advantage of the GI Bill like most vets but didn't for one major reason: his focuse on his music career. That and, like his music career, his DD214 is a tribute act, balanced on the backs of the real men who did the real work. Stolen Valor, more like Snorin' Coward! Or Boring Cow Herd.

HAHAAAAA HOOOO LEEEE SHIIIT I could easily stay up all night and write a tight 20 roasting this porterhouse.

More like Cum Drown/Eat

Some of you all may recognize Joe from his appearance on the People's Court. Yes..Joe was victorious. He got Judge Milan to rule in his favor that he was owed 2000 dollars because the other guy sent an email versus a stamp. I believe the verdict officially was "racists can enter into contracts." Which we already knew because Joe's brother Anthony had several contracts during his time at Sirius XM satellite radio.

We also learned from Ant that racists can also have their contracts ended. I guess someone got uh fended.

Seriously though, doesn't Joe's dumb expressionless face resemble livestock???

Joe, what's the deal with never getting Layla to school on time? I mean, you have no job, no life, and you drive a Barbie doll Fiat. So what's your excuse...you useless, fat fucking piece of shit?

That's all I got. Thanks everybody!

I see Nordic Jim Norton in the house! How’s Louis CK lately? Oh, ya haven’t talked to him in a while? Well, how’s the food here? I hope they’re serving you R. Budd Dwyer’s lunch, you desperate, personality-stealing old kvetch!

And Anthony is here, of course. Joe wouldn’t have a dime or an identity without him. Ant went from spending nights with fourteen-year-olds to spending them with fourteen fatsos and a bodybuilder. I hear she was strong enough to lift his wallet on a few occasions too!

I’ve gotta be honest, when I was asked to roast Cowhead I thought they meant the radio host from Florida, not a washed-out army cook.

How’s the diet going, you self-absorbed gasbag? Here’s a tip: You don’t need a diet. You need a JOB! You’ve got a home studio your brother bought you and zero albums! Instead you peddle used songs to “Wisconsin 3’s.”

Nice career, stupid.

But seriously, go fuck ya mother. Everyone else did.

That’s my time, everybody. Always remember, starve Nana!

You know the difference between a large pizza and Joe ? A large pizza can feed a family of four.

Didnt we just do this yesterday or something

Joe Cumia folks...ever see the shirt he wears with the chains on it? Is this tough guy posturing or an homage to his lineage? No shame in that Joe, just odd that your Black Earl song turned out to be autobiographical, not saterical.

Hold on, Joe. I know you're used to poly syllabic words being in all caps and in quotes, but what homage means is you're not Italian.

But seriously guys keep in mind that this man valiantly peeled potatoes for his country. Let's keep this fun. No need to go into his failings as a husband, a father and a heterosexual man. Above the belt and respectful.

Carol Maxheimers here. Carol is the only woman I know who has dated a guy for his money when he makes less money than a bus driver makes. Shes a bowling trophy wife. Carol would be a home wrecker, but Joe could only afford a townhouse. Carol is so ugly, Bobo wouldn’t fuck her. I kid though, thoughts and prayers Joe

Not wife material

Joe, you stink and I don’t like you.

Joe, watching you play the guitar is like watching Henry Fonda pick blueberries.

Joe likes to claim responsibility for the O&A show. In fact they’re in talks to create a new show starring Joe, Anthony, and Opie. They’re calling it The Chimp, The Chump, and The Champ. Hey but catch Ant after too many Bud Lights and it’s the Chomp.

Joe Derosa couldn’t make it tonight but I’ve got some jokes about him....