Opie would be selling insurance.

Anthony would absolutely be sucking (his brother's) dick for crack.

Whose dick would Joe be sucking to get the crack?

grab a phonebook

Anthony would have been killed by someone he fucked on a coke deal around 1997.

Opie would have completely failed in radio. Anthony and Joe would be dead.

Yep, both Cumias would have been dead for decades.

Neither could afford anything but welfare er Healthcare if opie didn't give Nana a job, therefore both would've died from their heart attacks.

Also, high chance they're so desperate for money that Joe eventually schemes up some big armed robbery that gets both shot by non cowards willing to actually fire their weapons.

Nah, Opie would be one of those one market wonders on Long Island or in a small Northeast city’s classic rock station. He’d make a decent middle class living up until the late 2000s.

Once that bottom fell out, he’d really be a lost cause. But I have total confidence he would’ve had a decent run as long as he was still hungry.

Anthony would have been making song parodies for Howard (for free) and Opie would be a station manager somewhere on long island.

Opie and Howard would be best friends, hanging out and making radio with each other.

Anthony would be in jail, with a mouthful of cock and cum.

Howard's ego wouldn't tolerate that, but the point's taken that Ope would find a ship.

So they both would have achieved their wildest dreams.

Opie would have just had a normal boring radio career in some town in Wyoming. He maybe would have found another radio partner but I don’t think they would have been as successful as Opie and Anthony.

Nana would have been forced to do shitty blue collar jobs and instead of going to college and bettering himself he would have tried various get rich quick schemes in entertainment. Also he would still be married to his ex wife and every night he would have to watch her get fucked by black guys.

You said "would have to" like it'd be punishment for Ant and not a huge turn on.

He would be an alcoholic mess, so that part is the same.

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Opie would have done radio for a bit before moving into management. He'd often talk about how he could have been huge in radio, but preferred the back office/management side of things.

Anthony would be really struggling. He used to regularly get fired from his tin-knocking jobs, but luckily the economy was booming so he could always get another gig. These days in his fifties with zero work ethic or qualifications... at best he'd have some zero-security gig economy job - maybe an Uber driver in someone else's car (probably Sal's).

Ro would have found it hard living with both sons. Still, when the dementia set in (and with no Anthony money to ship her off to a care facility) she'd have been cared for by family, and at least died in her own home.

Nana wouldn't hold onto his driving license without Keith so he can't be a driver

Oh please, by her family you mean at Dawn’s place, maybe Dawn could get her brothers to visit her by threatening to withhold the allowance they get from her

Opie would be spinning records for another 10 yrs before coming a Hateful PD. Anthony would be in jail and or a registered sex offender because he wouldn't have the cash to buy off families

Even if alternative universe Anthony were still alive in 2019 (and that's a big "if" because he's self destructive and wouldn't have an entourage to shield him from his bad choices) his life would be basically the same as prime universe Anthony: unemployed and wearing two shirts.

Rotgut would’ve hit it big around 1994. They would’ve made a ton of great albums for 20 years, until Ant decided to make racist tweets about an encounter with a hooker in Times Square. He would’ve been kicked out of the band, and relegated to singing karaoke in his basement

Imagine Rotgut making it big and JoeH being a public figure

Would Ant get an allowance from Joe, or would Joe tell him that Ant would have to grow up and find a way to support himself?

Opie would have a job in radio, probably moved up to station manager/program director at this point.

I sincerely believe Anthony would have gone to prison for statutory rape and spent a few years getting raped by niggers only to be beaten to death in the shower.

Opie has an eye for talent. He also takes plenty of risks to get noticed. You think any of the old O&A bits that got them popular were AntH’s idea? Ol pissy eye, afraid of losing his job AntH? He would have been at the very least moderately successful.

He would have lived the bob Buchanan lifestyle. Top seniority on a small market station.

Badly.

Opie does drive time radio in Buffalo or Long Island. I'd bet he'd still have a job even with the bottom falling out of radio, because he's boring and inoffensive enough and knows how to network that someone would hire him. He wouldn't have burnt all those bridges with Sex for Sam and Assault on the Media.

Ant would prison, but it wouldn't be for stat rape. It'd be dumber than that. He'd get busted for child porn. There'd be a computer repair store near the shithole apartment he shares with Joe in the Bronx. They'd gouge Ant for services ($100 to run an anti-virus scan). So Ant will pull a Garry Glitter. Except Cuba would never take him because he looks like a Dominican refugee.

Anthony would be dead or in jail. Opie would be the Brother Wease of Des Moines. Norton would be living with his parents constantly touring the Northeast.

What if OJ never killed his wife?

Opie would have probably amassed a sizeable following of nice, middle to upper class folks with money. Anthony would have died of lung cancer after years of inhaling debris at his shitty hvac job.

Opie would have had a short run in morning zoo radio and then would have turned into an afternoon drive host spinning today's best rock for a local ny station for 30+ years.

Anthony would have stayed in HVAC, giving birth to two kids with his ex wife. When the kids are around 10 years old, Anthony and said wife go through a messy divorce and she gets full custody of the kids, pointing out that Ant's drinking destroyed the family. After this Ant probably realized how shitty his life is and actually puts some effort into his job, becomes a crew boss for a heating and cooling company, and lives a shitty miserable life making 18.75 an hour only getting to see his kids 20 times a year.

Jim Norton would continue drinking and doing drugs, barely scraping by doing local stand-up, eventually contracting HIV from a tranny and dying in his early 40s.

Sam Roberts, without getting well known on O&A would have no choice but to focus on his talent of flipping nickles with his toes. He goes on america's got talent and makes a pretty deep run but ultimately loses in the final 10. This gave him enough publicity to be an opening act in Branson MO.

Erock would bounce around between radio jobs before taking the plunge into entrepreneurship. He opens a Quiznos in New Jersey and does mediocre for himself.

Steve C., not being made fun of on a daily basis, has stable mental health and works at a gym for 10 years. Eventually he leaves this gym position and starts his own fitness consulting/coaching business where he becomes a pretty big deal in NYC.

Bobo, not obsessing over O&A, obsesses over Mike Francesa. Mike eventually invites him to a ball game where Bobo finally gets to meet the mets.