-got mouthfucked by every older kid in his neighborhood as a child
-lived with his parents until he was 30
- payed for hookers to shit in his mouth
-death is approaching, the innate human urge not to die alone surfaces, got melancholy when sex workers didnt want to form lasting relationships
-does a "radio show" with a thawed neanderthal, where all of this has been, and (I guess, I dont listen to Jim and Sam) is still broadcast and recorded on the internet
​
Women are cunts, why wont they have lunch with me?
I remember when I used to occasionally listen to Jim and Sam. They were out in LA once and had Burr on. Norton was actually stunned to learn Burr and Sam don't routinely get into shouting matches where they scream "you cunt!" at their partners. It seemed like a bit of a Road to Damascus moment for him, where he realised what a weird little drama queen faggot he was.
His wealth is hardly gamechanging in New York and it's not like he's Mr. Munificent who's lavishly going to treat some girl to a lifestyle she couldn't otherwise enjoy. That is literally his only attribute that might entice a low level sugar baby, but even they recognize his frightening 'if insects could masturbate' existence and their animal hind-brain safety systems fire enough that they avoid him and also recognize they can do better. His deceptive, lower-key approaches have all failed too. You know on tour Kelsey Garage Door Opener double-checked that latch on the door before bed to make sure this gnomish ghoul never slinked in. It's rumored his personal trainer immolates her yoga pants weekly just because she can sense the worms eyes have lingered too long upon them cursing them with his perversion. Like a dark miasma of creep, he befouls any room he enters with his poor control of bodily functions and odious entitlement.
He will die alone and his stupid celebrity photos will be incinerated after failing to garner interest at the estate auction. His posthumous reputation will be Jimmy Savilled as his illicit hard drives reveal horrors that make Daisy's Destruction seem like Bambi. Prior to this revelation, his funeral will be sparsely attended by the remnants of the O & A universe (Anthony, long dead will be absent, while Opie will not come) and the immortal Bobo will marblemouth out an attempt at a eulogy. 11 memorial tweets will be made by 'friends'. Bob Kelly, if still ambulatory and alive will devote 7 minutes to his conference call podcast talking about it. Rogan only 2 in between Eddie Bravo conspiracies. Schumer thinks about acknowledging it but recognizes the lack of upside to her Q-score in doing so, and is also distracted by her autistic husband eating glue. Prince Alan shoots a tributary load while talking to those 'She' shouldn't be. BeigeFrequency's voice cracks over an 11 minute Youtube commemoration.
After this flurry of activity, nothing remains. He passes into the sands of time, unremarkable in death as in life.
15 comments
1 PeeSoup3030 2019-06-19
Fucking possum eyes
1 CumpoundMedia 2019-06-19
...and prissy lips.
1 PeeSoup3030 2019-06-19
You try proposing to a transgender prostitute without having prissy lips. Won't work so well homie
1 GroovyBastard 2019-06-19
"I bought that boring plain jane dinner, and for what? She wouldn't even let me smell her feet afterward."
1 senselessdegenerate 2019-06-19
“UGH Women are fucking horrible man. Me me me me me, me me me- ENOUGH!”
1 SpeckofCoppah 2019-06-19
*his
1 suirogerg 2019-06-19
Fucking scumbag cunts. No wonder he pays for sex.
1 fourStrokes1900 2019-06-19
-got mouthfucked by every older kid in his neighborhood as a child
-lived with his parents until he was 30
- payed for hookers to shit in his mouth
-death is approaching, the innate human urge not to die alone surfaces, got melancholy when sex workers didnt want to form lasting relationships
-does a "radio show" with a thawed neanderthal, where all of this has been, and (I guess, I dont listen to Jim and Sam) is still broadcast and recorded on the internet
​
Women are cunts, why wont they have lunch with me?
1 Bakersfield__Chimp 2019-06-19
Won't visit his elderly parents on holidays eve though they live in New Jersey.
Scccccummmmbag.
1 McGowan9 2019-06-19
I remember when I used to occasionally listen to Jim and Sam. They were out in LA once and had Burr on. Norton was actually stunned to learn Burr and Sam don't routinely get into shouting matches where they scream "you cunt!" at their partners. It seemed like a bit of a Road to Damascus moment for him, where he realised what a weird little drama queen faggot he was.
1 feedfatrick 2019-06-19
Brooding
1 alkiefuck 2019-06-19
man, i relate to this dude, i know you all take the piss out of him but... man, you can't relate to guys like me and norton.
"durr, you're not funny anymore, you're phoning it in" well guys like us... addicts?! thanks, but no thanks, homeboy. dassaneedleiaintstickinin
1 knitro 2019-06-19
His wealth is hardly gamechanging in New York and it's not like he's Mr. Munificent who's lavishly going to treat some girl to a lifestyle she couldn't otherwise enjoy. That is literally his only attribute that might entice a low level sugar baby, but even they recognize his frightening 'if insects could masturbate' existence and their animal hind-brain safety systems fire enough that they avoid him and also recognize they can do better. His deceptive, lower-key approaches have all failed too. You know on tour Kelsey Garage Door Opener double-checked that latch on the door before bed to make sure this gnomish ghoul never slinked in. It's rumored his personal trainer immolates her yoga pants weekly just because she can sense the worms eyes have lingered too long upon them cursing them with his perversion. Like a dark miasma of creep, he befouls any room he enters with his poor control of bodily functions and odious entitlement.
He will die alone and his stupid celebrity photos will be incinerated after failing to garner interest at the estate auction. His posthumous reputation will be Jimmy Savilled as his illicit hard drives reveal horrors that make Daisy's Destruction seem like Bambi. Prior to this revelation, his funeral will be sparsely attended by the remnants of the O & A universe (Anthony, long dead will be absent, while Opie will not come) and the immortal Bobo will marblemouth out an attempt at a eulogy. 11 memorial tweets will be made by 'friends'. Bob Kelly, if still ambulatory and alive will devote 7 minutes to his conference call podcast talking about it. Rogan only 2 in between Eddie Bravo conspiracies. Schumer thinks about acknowledging it but recognizes the lack of upside to her Q-score in doing so, and is also distracted by her autistic husband eating glue. Prince Alan shoots a tributary load while talking to those 'She' shouldn't be. BeigeFrequency's voice cracks over an 11 minute Youtube commemoration.
After this flurry of activity, nothing remains. He passes into the sands of time, unremarkable in death as in life.
1 McGowan9 2019-06-19
A little wordy but funny stuff.
1 Antmanhop 2019-06-19
Wow reading this made feel bad for him for a second. Then I remembered he does radio with Sam and he gets what he deserves