What proves he’s a failure most is his current plumpness after running marathons for the past five years.

That's just my summer blubber coming in, child. It helps regulate my temperature.

How many times does it have to be said? He isn't fat! He simply has excess body fat as a result of eating large amounts of fatty food and drinking large amounts of beer. What about this is too hard for you to understand? Are you stupid or something?

"My books are syndicated in all 50 states... AND London, child."

Oh my God I need to see PST on PFG now

Holy shit Scorch is in Wisconsin too - we need to make this happen

He asked himself all the questions, the other ones were asked by his alts

Is he counting his runs to the toilet under the 400 mile figure?

I also had trouble believing that one

I think it's somewhat believable because it's only a little over a mile a day. He could run a little over a 5k only twice a week and hit 400 miles. You can slow jog that in 45 minutes.

There is absolutely no way that goober can bench 250 even for one. Not a chance. Sadly, the sub has seen him shirtless and there isn't a shred of muscle present.

Not to mention, nobody benches 250 lmao. Who the fuck is gonna rack 2 45's, 1 10, and 1 2.5 lbs weight? Nobody does that unless they are trying to max. His tubby ass would be lucky to bench 185 at his peak anyway

I did think about that but theres plenty of youtubes of people benching 250. I didn't sit there counting plates or anything, maybe its a round off. In any case, I don't even think he could do the bar for 10.

Also note the incorrectly-placed apostrophe in “Brewers,” proving that Patso stinks as both a writer and a sports fan.

I can afford an editor, my sweet, summer child.

So Googling "average marathon running miles per year" results in the following:

Most marathon training plans range from 12 to 20 weeks. Beginning marathoners should aim to build their weekly mileage up to 50 miles over the four months leading up to race day. Three-to-five runs per week is sufficient. The vast majority of these runs should be done at a relaxed pace.

If Fatrick does 1/2 marathons and runs 400 miles per year, he runs 7.7 miles per week. Based on the assumptions above, a beginning marathoner who is training for a 1/2 marathon would run 25 miles per week. If they train for the average of 16 weeks, they would run 400 miles equivalent to Fatrick. That fat slob can't even compete with a novice runner. Obviously this is just a though experiment as that fat goon only goes to the gym to take selfies and then leave.

The IAEA concluded in a peer reviewed white paper that , "Patrick Tomlinson is a giant fat faggot who rapes children." These are some of the top scientists in the world declaring this. Who am I to argue?

I run recreationally and only occasionally do half marathons and stuff but I still managed to run a little over 1600 miles last year and I'm on pace to just about match that this year as well. The 400 mile figure is precipitously low, especially for someone who allegedly does multiple in a year.

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There has been no more insufferable person to ever walk this Earth.

Danny Ross is still out there somewhere

Holy dogshit. He fucking STINKS

Benching half your body weight is not impressive