He's the best! Arouund! Nothin's ever gonna keep him down!

99  2019-08-30 by Jung_Skywalker


That's right, 91.8% of people finished the Fun Run faster than Patso. And this is in the fitness mecca of Milwaukee Wisconsin.

I would definitely run one of these with him just to see him struggle.

You could just walk it.

Sir, I'm not sure if you're aware, but Milwaukee-Waukesha-West Allis is a perennial contender for Most Obese City in America. So finishing in the 9th percentile is really quite something...of an embarrassment. And that's the correct way to use percentile, Joey. 9th meaning you're better than only 9% of contenders.


He was the first to crack the 12 minute mile.

In his age group and no running experience, it should take about 12-15 to run 1 mile. Assuming worst case time, total time for 10 miles is 2 hours and 30 minutes. The fat fuck couldn't even beat that. I guarantee that this deluded cunt thought he would finish in the top 10 percentile.


To be fair he stopped for a hotdog along the way. He also passed a playground and had to stop to check out the meat selection on the other side of town.

I am a big fat fuck, and even at a moderate walking pace I can hit a 13-14 minute mile. What was this land whale doing?

Stavros Halkias, a 350+lb fat fuck/comedian claims to run about a 8 minute mile. Inflate that a couple minutes to about 10, because you know he's lying, and you'd still have a better time than fatrick.

What a disgrace

Must have stopped in his local watering hole to down a bloody mary and write a couple sci-fi lines

He's got breasts, and is round! Nothin's gonna stop him chowin' down!

When I found these stats a few months ago I couldn't help but fucking laugh at his instagram posts projecting like he's serious about running or fitness. Look at the fucking pain on his face hahahaha.

A marathon is a 26.2 mile foot race. So "mini-marathon" is fucking retarded and makes no sense. It looks like this fat mess in fact competed in a half marathon, which puts his mile split over 12 minutes. This is a humiliating pace for a full marathon, let alone a stupid faggot Milwaukee fat half marathon. I yield the rest of my time to the chair.

Yeah the Brewers Mini Marathon is 13.1 miles. His pace was the equivalent of a relaxing jog and looks ready to die haha.

What a fat loser.





slaps desk

Anyone got a pic of him bragging about running marathons? You could put them together and make a Patso post on r/QuitYourBullshit

What a fat bag of faggot

Lmao you have to assume a good chunk of the people he beat were DNF's due to injury, people with prosthetics, new cancer survivors and people going through chemo, and his fellow obese folk

DNF, like the people who read his books.

And his wife when he’s trying to fuck her

He only beat 11 guys in his age group! Rounding to the nearest percent, he beat 7% of males in his age group! No doubt of those 11, some were afflicted with some hindering ailment. He lost to 135 of them btw lmao

In all likelihood they were no shows for the race that day haha

y i k e s

Pathetic if true. (And its 100% true)

Numbers which are a lot worse when you consider how many fat men and just straight up women beat him.

Probably many fat women beat him.

Maybe even some children.

Honestly surprised he finished at all. I would have assumed he would quit a mile in using a runner in a MAGA hat as an excuse.

Lord Lardass is so tempted right now to pop his head in and say "it's '9th percentile', child"

I go away for a day or two and this gold happens? I'm so happy right now.